how to be a hoe

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"OH MY GOD, okay it's happening! Everybody stay calm. Stay fucking calm!"

Nishinoya jumped around the room, running back and forth, creating a mess in his wake. (Y/N) watched with both amusement and apprehension as the boy panicked. "Where the fuck is my stick? I need to start beating them away from you."

Grabbing a paintbrush from her desk, he whipped around to brandish it however screeched and threw it across the room a second later. "Shit not that! I can't look at anything art-related anymore."

"I'd appreciate it if you can stop messing up my room" she said with a loud sigh, defeat hanging from her shoulders. "I just finished cleaning it."

He ignored her, continuing his hectic pursuit in finding something suitable as a weapon. Her stationary went flying over his shoulder, quiet mutters and mumbles showing his dissatisfaction at having found nothing useful. "Wait, do you still have that vibrator? You know the blue one with the s-."

A pillow collided with the side of his head, muffling the rest of his sentence. "You took it, remember?"

Nishinoya faltered, thinking really hard. "Oh shit, yeah. The batteries died on that thing."

Perking up, he suddenly turned serious. "Do you think I could ask Kuroo sensei for some? I remember he's got many" he finished with an evil grin.

(Y/N) chucked a book this time, swiping it off the bedside table and throwing it at the boy's head. "Should I be worried that the batteries died so quickly? Actually, no, don't answer that. I don't wanna know."

Glaring at him, Nishinoya gave an inhumane scream. "Watch it! You might break your mirror..."

His eyes went disoriented, registering the words he just yelled. "...And that's another thing I can't look at anymore. Thanks to you, I won't be looking in my reflection anymore so it's your fault I'll look like shit till the day I die."

"You already look like shit so it doesn't really affect you."

He gasped, raising his hands like a diva ready to fight over breaking a nail. "I'll have you know that this...", wildly gesturing to himself with exaggeration. "...Has managed to pull some of the best dick in our school. Futakuchi ain't so bad on the eyes and he happens to be a great kisser. I have no idea where that talent disappears to when he gives head but besides that."

Plopping down on her bed, he stuck his nose in the air. "I also got with Konoha last year, before he graduated and when I tell you that boy knows how to use his tongue. However, hands down, the best fuck I ever had was Matsukawa. I think I spent all of last year just licking his abs, like holy shit. He had thighs to die for; can you believe it? He was 6'2 and he played volleyball."

"What more can you ask for? Better yet, what more do you need?" he winked suggestively.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, pushing him off her bed. "I don't think that list applies anymore. Unless you're saying that Terushima sensei was bad?"

Nishinoya's cheeks reddened slightly, even as he lay uncharacteristically sprawled on the floor. "That's like comparing Eros to some irrelevant mortals."

"Oh wow, look at you" she pointed out bluntly. "You hook up with him once and suddenly your comparison skills and historical knowledge have gotten better. Maybe if you fuck Bokuto sensei, your Physics grade will improve too?"

Nishinoya stood up, dusting away invisible dirt from his pants. "Bitch don't tempt me. Or I might just go and do that. He's got the ass and thighs that deserve to be worshipped but then that's like literally all of them though."

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