Be My Dandelion

Unit B: Subsection 20

[The whole Subsection revolves around addiction/rehab. Skip if you feel the need to. I have never been to rehab myself and I am in no way trying to spread misinformation and therefore I wasn't detailed about it. Some parts could be totally made up so don't take my words for facts. Lastly, there are mentions of suicidal thoughts.]

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Louis was fully awake (what a choice of words!) and staring at the blank wall in front of him as the people surrounding him spoke.

Blank, how boring. White, how awful.

Louis has grown to hate the color white and everything associated with it. White means light, means waking up. Louis wanted to stay asleep.

Louis wanted to go back.

"Rehabilitation center?" he asked as his ears caught on those words.

Liam was hesitant to speak, "That's what we had in mind. You're an adult and your overdose hasn't been noted as a suicide attempt. Therefore, you're allowed to be the one to choose if you will get admitted."

Louis found the idea rather rational. He knows that after all he went through (hallucinated of going through), he wouldn't touch drugs ever again. He's also aware that addiction doesn't quite work like that. He doesn't want to take risks and he mostly doesn't want to risk his sobriety. Louis also doesn't fail to acknowledge his desperation and longing to lay his eyes on Harry one more time. That said, he's not sure if he trusts himself enough at this specific period of time. He's not willing to try finding out if he'd risk going into a coma again just for the sake of Harry.

Ever since the moment Louis agrees, nothing major happens again.

He sleeps, he wakes up, he sees Liam, a check-up by doctors every now and then.

The day comes around and he's getting ready. He's dressed and Liam is on his way. He doesn't speak much, not that he has something to share. A blank mind is justifiable to be unvoiced.

It's magic how impossible it feels to be overwhelmed by thoughts. He doesn't miss the feeling, no. He never thought he'd get rid of it, too. At the end of the day, it's funny how temporary everything is. Not everything necessarily comes, but everything goes. Including him (Harry).

That's why he makes the decision that he's glad he's woken up. It hurts less than being abandoned in the real world. That way he knows Harry didn't get to choose to leave him, since there was never a Harry to leave him.

Louis stares out the window as Liam drives. He watches the scenery change and he had almost forgotten how enrapturing the simplest of images could be. He appreciates every passerby and each city light. He appreciates the movement of the cars and the rapid rhythm in which the city moves. Louis hadn't been in the hospital for that long, but he learns to cherish the opportunity to admire the world he'll soon be missing.

He's not sad, he knows he'll get to put himself out there soon. Just not now.

He needs to prioritize and take care of himself. He needs and wants to heal.

By the time Liam has parked the car, Louis is more than sure for his decisions.

They exit the car, Liam walking in front and Louis following him just a few steps behind. He spaces out and doesn't notice a long haired man walking in the opposite direction. He stumbles on him, but doesn't lift his head to make eye contact and breathes out an "Oops" as the stranger replies with "Hi" and afterwards apologizes.

None of them stopped to exchange more words and Louis was unfortunate not to even spare the man a glance. Little did they know.

Soon enough, Louis gets settled in and he has greeted his brother goodbye for the day. He's been advised against talking to Zayn –who's in the same rehabilitation center- but not forbidden, of course. It might probably be better for both of them and their recoveries not to be in contact as much.