Heart of The Wraith

Ch. 16 - Loss

"Y/N...I'm sorry," he interrupted briefly, the usually strong-willed leader of the League of Villains was emotionally collapsing in front of you just as Shimura Tenko would have. 

"What if I'm still in love with you?" You whimpered, your face a complete mess as you sniffled away some of the tears.

Your question had stunned him to silence. He wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry or something in between. Unfortunately, time had to be cut short as the two of you heard the familiar creaking of steel doors. 

In almost an instant, you shoved him into a nearby armoire. It was a bit of a struggle to get him to squeeze between the clothes, but you were able to shut the doors in the nick of time. It was completely unexpected for someone to barge into your room at this hour but there they were: Irinaka, Kurono, and Chisaki. Behind his mask, Chisaki held a desperately concerned look on his face. The other two weren't visible for obvious reasons.

"Are you okay?" Chisaki asked urgently as you stared blankly at the three that had barged into your room.

"Yeah, I'm fine...why?" You gulped, completely shocked with their presence. There was no way anyone could've heard anything through the thick walls.

"There was an alert on the door system for the reception room, the cameras picked up an unrecognized figure moving through the residential hallways," Kurono answered matter-of-factly. 

"Nope, I'm all good," you nodded awkwardly, hoping they'd leave. 

Irinaka and Kurono shrugged and excused themselves while Chisaki lingered for a moment, squinting his eyes in suspicion before turning and walking away. You gave a deep sigh of relief as you were finally alone - even if it meant Chisaki would ask questions later. The immediate threat was relieved.

You opened the double doors to the armoire and Shigaraki toppled out, catching himself before he completely fell to the floor. 

"You need to leave," you said quickly as he composed himself. 

"What about our conversation?" He mumbled when he finally looked back up at you. 

"They're searching the building, Tomura," you whined as if it were obvious, "I don't need the trouble of having you caught with me."

"We need to finish this," he said seriously. You bit the inside of your lip, pondering it for a few seconds.

"I need time," you slouched your shoulders and let out a loud, audible sigh. "I need to...think. But you can't just sneak in here whenever you want!"

"Fine," he said sharply and meandered to your desk, searching around and in it for paper and a writing utensil. It didn't take him long to find what he was looking for. "Whenever you're ready, call me..." he tore off a piece of paper that he had written on and handed it to you. 

You hesitantly took the paper as he stormed out of the room, cautiously checking the hallway to make sure the coast was clear. 
As soon as he rounded the threshold you were alone again, standing in the middle of your dimly lit room. You stared down at the chicken scratch on the paper, the numbers barely readable as you lost yourself in thought. 

Defeatedly, you walked to your door and shut it tight before crawling back into bed. Your body felt sore from not only the night's activity but also the mental and emotional turmoil you had been thrust into. You never believed it to be possible for your chest to physically hurt from something emotional, but it felt as sore as the rest of you with no physical damage.

There was no other way to put it: you were stuck. You were stuck even though there was a right answer. You just didn't want to admit it.

You grew up with Shigaraki. You knew him the best and vice versa. For most of your life, you considered him your closest friend - the only person who saw you for you and looked at you without fear. The problem was that he was a murderer, a murderer who claimed lives he had no right taking - your father's being one of them. You had to admit you were terrified of his quirk even despite the pact you two made and seeing it in action drove you over the edge that day. 
But there was light in him. You knew it...you saw it. Whether or not he was capable of being that Tenko again was something you didn't know. That uncertainty was the sole reason you felt the need to reject him.

But there you were working for the Hassaikai, and falling in love with the boss despite what cruelties he put you through and despite his own killings. Chisaki's hands weren't clean. You'd seen what he could do and what he made you do to others. Even through the kindness he had shown you as you became friends, especially the love and softness he shown as of late, he was still a murderer out for his own endeavors. There was no sane reason for you to have any feelings toward Chisaki, but they were there... Your mind had fed you the idea of a perfect life with him once his goals had been reached, but the likelihood was not there.

The right decision would be to remove your quirk and start a life on your own. But you weren't ready to make such a decision. You weren't ready to let go of either of them, but you were digging yourself quite the hole.