Heart of The Wraith

Ch. 16 - Loss

"Tomura," you began pushing him away as soon as those words left his lips, "we can't..." The tears were coming and they were coming fast. 

He sat back with a hurt look on his face, sitting up on his feet as you scooted your body up on the mattress. The two of you still completely disheveled from the sin. 

"Y/N, I can't do this anymore..." he admitted, "I can't move on. And I don't want to..."

"Tenko," your voice was small as you leaned forward to caress his face. He leaned away from you, a shocking maneuver considering the discussion. 

"It's like he knew..." his voice was barely audible.

"Who knew?" You shook your head with a concerned look on your face. "What are you talking about?"

"It's like he knew my feelings for you... You told him, didn't you?" He asked through the same pained tone. "You told him about us."

"I mean...it was bound to come out. He knows all of my history," you confessed. "Where are you going with this?"

"He knew how I felt about you and brought you along on that meeting knowing you'd have to defend him and reveal your identity. It's like...he's using you to get to me. To get me to concede."

"No," you replied right away, "I asked him. He said I wasn't being used as bait. He said so..." you were in disbelief, thinking Chisaki wouldn't lie to you twice.
Or would he?

"You make me weak, Y/N," he gave a pathetic smile through his crackling voice, "and he knows that. And you know what? I don't care. I don't care if it makes me weak. I can't handle you being gone anymore..."

"Would he really...?" Your voice trailed off with complete hurt as your mind got lost in the possibility that he was still using you. But he seemed so sincere with his offers earlier...unless I'm useless to him...

"Come back with me..." Shigaraki offered quickly, ignoring your mumblings, "come back to the league with me."

"No," you muttered with tears in your eyes, "I'm not going with you... I left for a reason. I didn't stay then and I wouldn't stay now. You know where I stand with these things."

He remained silent and in calculation as your words ran through his head. He felt hurt but the constant rejection was certainly getting to him. The threads between you two were beginning to fray despite any sort of lingering feelings and he was beginning to feel them. 

"Shigaraki...are you okay?" You asked to break the silence, seeing as his head began to hang low. 

"I'm good..." he gave a cracked whisper, "I'm fine. I get it. You're sending the message loud and clear."

"I don't want that lifestyle. I...miss you like hell, but I...I hate you for what you did...what you do."

"Yeah, I get it. I'm fucked up, neurotic, insecure, emotional... I get it. I heard you," he growled and began getting up to dress. You leaned over and turned on the lamp that sat on your nightstand, finally illuminating the two of you.

"I didn't say any of that..." you asked, sitting shocked and watching as he aggressively put on his clothing.

"I don't even know why I came here... Maybe it was just to see you, maybe it was a chance...to tell you I'm sorry. Tell you how much I still love you...and how I want you to love me. I wanted to do something good by you back then; I wanted to save you from some of the pain from when your father abandoned you." Those words angered you, causing you to quickly stand up and scramble to throw on your clothes.

"Killing my father was doing good by me? I didn't want him dead! He didn't know what he was doing! You didn't save me from anything! I've always lived with the pain... Every day I think of all the people that've accidentally died by my hand, especially the ones I loved. You don't get to choose who you should and shouldn't kill. It's not up to you." 
He stood still and listened to you, clenching his jaw tight from the anger and pain as you went on, completely destroying him. "I've blamed myself all these years, but now...now I just blame you. And you know what's even worse? I loved you. When I ran away that day and every day since, I cried for you. I wanted you so bad! And I hated you. I hated you because I loved you so much." You laughed and trailed off, thinking of anything to say next until it clicked. "You want me to fall back in love with you?"