Desert • Flower | TaeJin || BOOK 3#

XXIII A depressing and silent night

Taehyung approaches him carefully and makes him go with him to the house. Taehyung carries Jin and takes him to his room. He sits Jin on a piece of furniture and takes a garment from the floor to wipe his feet with snow and dirt. He feels them cold and the skin looks slightly purple. Jin shivers at the kiss Taehyung gives him. As soft as the flutter of a butterfly even though the texture of his hands is as hard and rough as a rock, his lips rough and thin. The lord looks up and lets out a delighted breath.

For like Jin, he has seen no one more beautiful. He wonders how will his beauty be full of genuine happiness? He wants to discover it. He wants to create it.

"You can talk about anything you want with me. I'm not going to judge you, I'm just going to listen to you." she warns and Jin purses his lips for a moment.

"The last time you trusted me, my lord, the insecurities that plagued me, you used them to blackmail me" Jin announces. "Why would it be any different with you?"

"Because I want nothing more than to make you happy and be your support. Only by knowing you and healing your wounded heart will I be able to achieve that."

Jin would like to stop allowing himself to fall for such beautiful words. Promises that sound perfect and of which he desperately urges. However, Taehyung is different. He doesn't need self-deception, he doesn't need to ignore details in his voice, his look, his touch unlike his former masters. He is real. As much as his sincere intention.

Taehyung helps him walk to the futon so they can both lie there. Eunji gives a side sigh, lying down next to Seok who is brimming with joy.

"I miss Jimin so much."

The sudden confession makes Taehyung's eyes widen. Jin's eyes are watery and his face is flushed.

"I miss... That he soaked the futon, how he talked in his sleep, that he moved; to feel him with me every time I couldn't get out of bed... I miss him... because I left him there." Jin sobs brokenly and Taehyung looks at him with sorrow.

"You could barely save yourself. It's not-"

"I asked him to be the distraction, begged him to stay so I could run. I left while he-" Jinwhimpers loudly. "Jimin, Eunji... I've never saved anyone, I just push them to die so I don't do it myself."

"Eunji?"

Taehyung doesn't understand who this is about. He didn't get to know the name of the former empress, only the one who was killed by the Japanese army. Jin approaches and hides in Taehyung, crying. The lord affectionately pats him on the back. He does not consider them valid points for which to feel guilty, but at the same time, he understands them. Whoever Eunji is, she must have been someone too important to Jin and it weighs on him not to have her with him. In the same way, gnawing with the idea that he did wrong with Jimin. That it was his responsibility to help him, not to leave him in the same terrible situation.

However, if Jin could barely survive alone, how could he do it with a child? In the long run it might cause his death and although his situation must be bad, at least there will be a possibility of improvement in the future. Taehyung kisses him on the head. This is one of the many points that burden his kisaeng and they still don't talk at all about the miscarriages he had. He senses that there will be many long nights of listening to what mutes his voice and withers him little by little.

"It's not your fault for not being strong, it's the fault of those who did harm by being bad people. Don't ever think it's your sin that happened again." asks Taehyung, Jin holds him tighter.

~ * * * ~

"In a little while it will be new year. The nobles have asked me if it would be possible for you to make an appearance along with the other kisaengs there."

"If you want, I will." replies Jin, he puts a piece of meat to his mouth and taps the chopsticks for Yune to sit down and eat properly.

"I need to know that you really don't mind." Taehyung clarifies. How frustrating to have control of even how she moves Does anyone really like having to boss everyone around? At this level? It's no different than having a doll.

"No."

"Jin." Taehyung emphasizes at the man's clear indifference.

"You have my answer."

"Sometimes you're so obnoxious." Taehyung gives a grunt and Jin eats without paying attention. "Since in my hands you remain. You will eat nothing and stay tucked under the house. I'll take Yune with me and-"

"Why under the house?"

"It's my decision, isn't it?"

"That doesn't have- Oh, my lord" He holds a hand to his face. "What exactly do you want?"

"That you say what exactly you want."

Yune looks at them alternately. She doesn't understand everything, but from the little she catches, it's that these two people are fighting just like his friends in his hometown. It's somewhere between comical and cute.

"I told you I don't mind doing it! I like to sing!"

"Then it's no problem."

Jin grows a flower on the piece of meat that Taehyung puts in his mouth. It causes him to choke and confused.