reader X k.sakusa

29

a/n it's 2:35 am and this chapter got emotional i won't lie, it unintentionally was a little vent i suppose but i'm not sure, it did stil go along with the story and i promise there will be more joy soon. idk of that made any sense hah hopes it's all okay
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y/n
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i was one of the first to go up tonight. it wasn't necessarily early, but i was the 3rd to vanish upstairs.

i hate that this has to have happened today. the first day we all get to go away together without it being volleyball related, and i've probably ruined the mood.

i tried to not think about it, and yeah i did have fun joking around with the others, but something was just picking at my brain the whole time. now i'm here worrying i seemed miserable all night.

as soon as i got to my room, i shut the door behind me and stood at the long mirror that faces the bed i'd be sleeping in.

i took a few deep breaths as i stared into it.
i was so frustrated about it all that i couldn't even focus. my breaths got shorter and everything felt shaky.

"ugh-" i groaned, letting a sob escape.

once one came out, a few more followed, and my frustration kept growing with each one.

i scratched my head in frustration and ended up walking to the bathroom with blurry vision. i thought taking a shower might calm me down, but it just gave more time for the thoughts to circle around.

'what if they were right'

'they aren't'

'but part of you believes it right'

'you spent so long building up to loving yourself. why let them ruin that?'

the thoughts were continued back and forth, i was just arguing with my own mind which made it more and more annoying.

i don't know how long it was before i was out, but i changed into a large white t-shirt and some black shorts, making the mistake of going back to the mirror again.

this time i tried to make it better.

i looked at myself in the mirror, gripping the bottom of my shirt tightly.

"don't listen to anything that jerk has to say y/n." my voice was quiet and shaky. my throat hurt and my eyes stung. "they're just trying to put you down."

i was pointing at myself and biting the inside of lip to resist the tears. "don't let them get their way."

"... you're so pretty." i told myself.

"right. you're really pretty y/n." my broken voice continued.

if anyone else could hear me right now i wonder if they would think i'm crazy...

tap tap tap

i jumped at the sudden knocking on my door, turning to face it straight away.

i didn't say anything, i waited to see if the person knocking would.

a few moments passed and i assumed they left until, "y/n... it's kiyoomi."

i quietly moved closer to the door to hear him better.

"i don't know what happened, but i hope you're okay..." he paused.

"and you might not want to, which is fine, but i just wanted to let you know i'm here if you need to talk." he said calmly.

i slowly placed my hand on the handle.