Where Secrets Lie (SOW #3)

10.

What's more painful?

Letting go of your love because you don't want to hurt him? Or, seeing your love with someone else but you can't complain since you're one who made it that way?

Ginusto ko na magalit sa akin si Jeon. Ginusto ko na mahanap siya ng bagong mamahalin pero, tangina... walang nagsabi sa akin na ganito pala ito kasakit. Hindi ako makapagreklamo dahil alam kong kagagagawan ko ito. Hindi ako pwedeng lumapit do'n at tanungin si Jeoniel dahil alam kong ako ang nagtulak sa kaniya.

Seeing my love and my cousin laughing and smiling at each other feels like part of me died. I can see him smiling. I can see him happy again.

Maybe, this is really the end? Dito na nagtatapos lahat. Wala nang balikan.

"It hurts, right?" He said.

Hindi ko magawang sumagot. I look back at the painful sight. I was caught off guard when my eyes met Jeoniel's. Nakatingin siya sa direksyon namin. My cousin, Kath is talking to him yet his eyes are on us.

"I saw how Jeoniel got wasted because of you. Kamamatay lang ng nanay niya pero, nasaktan mo siya ulit. Dinagdagan mo ang bigat ng nararamdaman niya," he added. Mas lalong bumigat ang pakiramdam ko.

Nanatili akong tahimik kahit nanghihina na ako sa sakit na nararamdaman. I look away from Jeoniel and faced Yurinard.

I took a deep breath before speaking to him. "I'm... sorry... kung sana kaya ko lang pigilan, nagawa ko na," makahulugang sabi ko. Yuri's eyes remained on me. His serious eyes made me shiver.

"What are you both doing?" Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan nang marinig ang malamig na boses ni Jeoniel. He's behind me, I know.

"Lorrie?" Kath's voice reached my ears. Napapikit ako at napahinga nang malalim. I opened my eyes and met Yuri's. He's watching me intently but I remained my poker face.

"Hey, Lorrie. What are you doing? Another guy you are trying to seduce?" Kath's mocking voice added to my misery.

"Kath..." I heard Jeoniel's voice. Gusto kong isipin na pinagtatanggol niya ako pero, imposible. Imposible dahil narinig ko ang sunod niyang sinabi.

"Let's go, Kath. Lola Sally is waiting for us."

I smiled bitterly. It's really over. It's all over.

Nanatili akong nakatayo doon hanggang sa marinig ko ang yabag nila paalis. Napayuko ako nang magsimulang tumulo ang luha ko na naging hagulgol. Hindi ko mapigilan ang emosyon ko. I know, it's bad for me but, I can't help it!

Nagsimulang manginig ang kamay ko pati ang labi ko. Shit, no... please. 'Wag ngayon.

"Lorrie?" Yuri called me. Hindi ko siya magawang tingnan dahil inabala ko ang sarili ko sa pagpapakalma sa nanginginig kong kamay.

Please, 'wag... 'wag sana akong atakihin dito. Please... 'wag.

My knees wobbled. Napaluhod ako dahil sa labis na panginginig. Yuri's panicking voice is now unclear. Hindi ko na siya marinig nang maayos. My vision is now starting to blur.

Saturday morning when I went out of our house. Gusto kong magpahangin. Stressed ako sa schoolworks kaya deserve kong makapagpahinga.

I walked on the streets, admiring the blue sky and the beautiful cloud formations. Napangiti rin ako nang makita ang mga batang nagtatakbuhan sa isang parke.

Maybe, coffee can relieve my stress.

Nagpunta ako sa isang sikat na coffee and resto. The aroma of newly made coffee reached my nose. Even the aroma of newly cooked foods reached my nose.

I walked to the counter and smiled at the staff.

"Good morning Ma'am! What can we get for you?" Nakangiting tanong ng staff.

I smiled. "One cafe latte, please."

"Coming! You can take a seat po muna while waiting," saad niya. Tumango ako at nagpasalamat bago naghanap ng upuan. Naupo ako sa malapit sa counter para mabilis kong marinig kapag tinawag ako.

I scroll to my phone while waiting for my name to be called.

"Mr. Jeoniel!"

"Ms. Lorrie!"

Napatayo ako nang marinig ang pangalan ko. Kinuha ko ang kapeng order ko bago iniabot ang bayad at nagpasalamat. Dumiretso ako sa labas habang nakatuon sa cellphone ko.

I sipped on my coffee but then, I froze. 

"Miss!" Mas lalo akong natigilan nang may sumulpot na lalaki sa harapan ko.Natulala naman ako dahil... ang gwapo.

Shit no, nevermind.

"Miss, kape ko 'yan..." saad niya habang tinuturo ang hawak kong kape.

Nangunot naman ang noo ko. "Huh?" Takang tanong ko. He pointed at the cup I'm holding.

"My name's written there. Kape ko 'yang nakuha mo, Miss," saad niya kaya napatingin ako sa kapeng hawak ko.

'Jeoniel <3'

Napaawang naman ang labi ko at agad yumuko para humingi ng tawad. Shit, nakakahiya! Kaya pala iba 'yung lasa nung tinikman ko!

"Sorry, sorry... papalitan ko na lang!" Sabi ko. I was caught off guard when he smile and lend me a cup.

"Heto 'yung sa 'yo... Ms. Lorrie," he said.

I don't know how it started but Jeon and I went out more often. Taga-ibang school siya ngunit malapit lang sa pinapasukan ko kaya minsan ay magkasama kaming lumalabas.

Who wouldn't have thought that the coffee switching incident will lead us here?

"Hi babe!" A smile immediately formed my lips when I felt his arms wrapped around me. Pinatakan niya ako ng halik sa pisngi at isinubsob ang mukha nya sa leeg ko.

"Hello," nakangiting sabi ko saka nilingon siya. His smiling face is the one I saw. The smile that I'll never get tired of seeing.

"Missed me?" He asked before planting a kiss on my lips. Natawa ako at hinampas siya sa braso.

"PDA ka, Jeoniel." Tinawanan niya lang ako bago kinuha sa akin ang bag ko. Isinukbit niya 'yon sa balikat niya bago hinawakan ang kamay ko.

"I have something to give you," he said. Natigilan ako sa paglalakad bago sya hinarap. He got something from his pocket. Ang isang kamay ko ay hawak pa rin niya.

I watched him pull out a ring. My lips parted in shock. Kasabay 'yon ng pagkalabog ng dibdib ko.

His mesmerizing eyes went to me and he smile before placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Hindi pa ako kumikita ng malaki kaya ito muna. This ring may not be expensive but the value of this ring is priceless. This ring signifies my love for you," he said in a soft voice. Hindi ko mapigilan ang umiyak. He got something on his pocket again and I saw another ring.

"I bought a couple ring. Ito muna ang suotin natin. Kapag nakapag-ipon na ako, wedding ring naman," he smiled and wiped my tears. Hindi na mapigilan ang paghikbi ko. Napayakap ako sa kaniya.

I love you, Jeoniel. I love you so much.

But, that love... is now gone.