Where Secrets Lie (SOW #3)

03.

The softness in his voice made me think that we are still okay. Na gaya pa rin kami ng dati. His eyes stares at me. His soft eyes made me want to believe that he still cares for me.

Pero, hindi man lang tumagal. Nagbago agad ang tono niya at ekspresyon.

"Don't cry in front of the food," he said, gone the softness of his voice. Umiwas siya ng tingin at agad tumayo. "Karma mo na 'yan. You cheated on me, deal with the consequences," he said harshly and stood up, leaving me alone again.

Pinilit kong tapusin ang pagkain ko. Matapos ay naligo ako at nag-ayos para pumunta kay Yanah. It's like my daily routine. Kapag mabigat na, sa kaniya ako tatakbo. Nangako siya sa aking hindi kailan man ipapaalam kay Jeon ang sakit ko. I'll die first before he'll get to know. Isa pa, Jeoniel hates me. Madali na lang siyang makakalimot.

My phone rang. Agad kong hinanap iyon at kinuha. Yanah is calling me. Agad ko namang sinagot at naglakad ako palabas ng kwarto ko at naglakad patungo sa kusina para uminom.

"Lorrie, kumusta?" She said. I gulped down the water and refilled it again.

"Pupuntahan kita diyan," sagot ko. I heard her sighed. I know, she's been stressing about me kaya nakokonsensiya na rin ako dahil naaabala ko siya.

"Okay, dito ka na rin kaya matulog? May kasama ka ba diyan? Is Jeoniel there?" Kumirot ang puso ko dahil sa pangalan niya pero sinagot ko pa rin ang tanong ni Yanah.

"He's here pero aalis rin naman 'yun mamaya kaya pupunta na lang ako diyan and yes, I can sleep there in your unit," sagot ko at inipit sa pagitan ng balikat at tenga ko ang cellphone ko. I washed the glass and put it back to its place.

"Okay, ako lang naman ang nandito. Kuya has gone to his business trip with his boss." I nodded and said goodbye to her. Sabi ko rin na papunta na ako and she said that she'll wait.

I almost had a heart attack when I saw Jeoniel leaning on the kitchen's doorframe. Masama na naman ang tingin niya at mukhang kanina pa siya nando'n. He tilted his head to the right as he smile at me mockingly.

"So eager to meet your boyfriend? May balak ka pang doon matulog, huh?" He said and it immediately breaks my heart but, I remain showing him my poker face.

I didn't have the chance to answer him when he suddenly walked straight to me. Napaatras ako ngunit nahuli niya ang bewang ko. He leaned closed and I clearly see his emotionless eyes. I can already feel his breath on my lips that made my heart thump crazily.

"Why? Paano mo nakakayang lokohin ako nang harap-harapan? What did I do to you?" He asked as he slowly pins me to the sink. His eyes changes emotions that I do not want to name. I can feel the fear again. Fear of hurting him. His soft and begging eyes ignites my fear.

Ayoko nito. He should be hating me!

"I fucking love you but all you did was to... to cheat on me. Bakit naman gano'n? Anong meron sa kanila na wala sa akin? Hmm?" His voice almost sounds like a whisper. I suddenly found myself struggling to breath due to his closeness. Mas lalo akong nahirapan nang isandal niya ang ulo sa balikat ko.

"Why did you do this to me?" He whispered. My eyes became teary as I heard his helpless voice. We stayed that way until I found my voice.

I gulped. "Hinihintay na ako. Bi-bitaw na, Jeoniel," sabi ko at pilit na tinutulak siya. I gasped when his arms surrounds my waist. Mas lalo siyang napalapit sa akin!

"Don't..." he whispered. Sobrang sakit na ng puso ko. Ayoko nito. Dapat galit siya sa akin, dapat sinisigawan niya ako! Hindi 'yung ganito. Sasaktan ko lang siya kung hahayaan kong manalo ang puso ko. Masasaktan ko lang siya kapag nawala na ako kaya dapat habang maaga pa ay makahanap na siya ng iba para hindi na siya mahirapan.

"Jeoniel, ano ba!" I manage to push him off of me. Napaatras naman siya at ang kaninang malalambot at nagmamakaawang mata ay muling bumalik sa pagiging malamig at madilim.

"Desidido ka talagang sumama sa kaniya?" His brows are raised. Funny how it still hurts me when he looks like he isn't affected at all.

"Bakit hindi?" I asked in my stern voice. But deep inside, all I want is to cry pero dahil kaharap ko siya ay hindi ko gagawin 'yon.

He laughed bitterly and he bit his lips. His dark eyes stares straightly at me. His once soft adorable and full of love eyes is now staring at me with hatred.

"I regret loving you. You know that?" He said. Napaawang ang labi ko ngunit pinilit kong magpakatatag sa harapan niya. "I could throw you out of this house right now but, you know why I'm still letting you stay here?" He asked as he walked again towards me. Dangerously close to me.

"Because, I don't want to fail my mother's last wish. She wished for me to be with you here. Kaya kahit anong panggagago mo, hindi kita pinapaalis dito. Pero, habang nandito ka, makikita mo..." he leaned closer to my ear. "You will feel what I feel the moment you shamelessly cheated on me. Akala mo ikaw lang ang may karapatang magloko? You're wrong, baby," he whispered and I felt him smirking.

Gusto kong lumuhod at umiyak pero mas nanatiling matatag ang katawan ko. Accepting all his harsh words and the pain I'm feeling. I put on my cold face and walked passed him.

I was near the door of the kitchen when he spoke. Months of hearing him speak harshly to me yet my heart still throbs in pain.

"You'll also suffer like I am. You'll experience all the pain I felt. I'll make sure of that," he said and this time, I let my tears fall.

I'm already suffering, isn't it enough?