Endless Love

Leaving You This Time

The weekend came to an end and Miranda was sad to leave Ben, especially because he had been extremely quiet since she told him about their daughter. She didn't push the subject because she figured that he would need some time to process and grieve the loss of their baby girl. Ben drove Miranda to the airport in silence and she just held his hand as they drove. When they got to the airport Ben walked with her to the gate.

Ben stared into the eyes of the love of his life but now all he could feel was pain and anger about what they loss and what he'd loss. Ever since Miranda told him about their baby all he found himself doing was staring at her pictures. He was thankful that Miranda took pictures of her so now he always had something. But he couldn't stop imagining what it would have been like to hold her, kiss her, talk to her, help with her first steps, her first day at pre school.... now he would never get that. It was time for Miranda to board the plane and she turned to Ben with a look of sadness on her face.

"I miss you already....see you in about a month," Miranda said.

"Yeah....love you," Ben said plainly.

"I love you too," Miranda replied slowly.

Ben watched as Miranda boarded the plane and then he walked back to his car. Ben laid on his couch staring at the pictures of Daniella while Curtis was on the other couch watching the football game.

"Ben what is the matter with you? I came over here to watch the game with you and you're staring at your phone," Curtis spoke.

Ben sat up and took a deep breath, "Ummm Miranda revealed to me over the weekend that when we were teenagers and she moved away that we got pregnant," Ben told him.

Curtis just stared at his older brother in shock and he could see the hurt in his face. "So what happened? Why are you just now finding out and where is your child?" Curtis asked.

"Miranda's parents basically wouldn't let her tell me....they didn't make it a priority for me to find out. She gave birth to our baby girl and she had plans of coming back here to tell me herself and let me meet her. But literally the day she planned to leave home with our daughter and travel back here....our baby died from SIDS," Ben explained with tears in his eyes.

"You know how badly I've always wanted to be a father. And I know it was years ago but it hurts like it just happened and I never even got to know my baby," Ben shared with his brother.

Curtis got up and sat beside Ben, "and I still want to be with Miranda but I don't know that I can move to North Carolina, see her parents and not be completely enraged because they kept this from me. All because her dad was jealous of our relationship. What kind of man is jealous that someone loves his daughter with everything in them?" Ben continued to share.

Curtis took Ben's phone and looked at the picture of the baby that Ben had been staring at. "She's beautiful Ben," Curtis complimented.

"Thank you," Ben said softly.

"So are you saying that you're not going to move to North Carolina to be with the love of your life that you now have this second chance with all because of the horrible mistake of her parents 35 years ago? Yes I agree that it was wrong but you will hurt yourself and Miranda way more than her parents," Curtis told Ben.

"I—I just can't right now," Ben said putting his face in his hands.

Miranda sat in her office with one of her attendings who was trying to get her approval on a abdominal wall reconstruction but she was completely distracted. She hadn't talked to or heard from Ben since she got back home which was four days ago and she felt like she was going crazy.

"Chief Bailey....is everything alright?" Dr. O'Neal asked.

"Yes I'm sorry umm I can assist you with the surgery because I helped with one when I was back in Seattle," Miranda said smiling.

"Great I will get everything prepped and ready then schedule the surgery early tomorrow morning," Dr. O'Neal said before leaving her office.

Miranda stared at her phone then sent Ben a text, "Ben baby....I know you are probably grieving and I'm so sorry that you had to learn about our daughter so late. Please don't shut me out. Please call me when you get the chance.... I love you."

Ben was standing in the kitchen at the station reading Miranda's text when one of the people in his crew walked in.

"What's up Warren, it's getting closer to that time for you to leave us. Hate to see you go especially since you're one of the best and you started the PRT," Chavez said.

"Awww thanks man that means a lot to me. You will still have the PRT, I've been training some doctors and other first responders so it will still be a part of the house," Ben said.

"But in all honesty I might be holding off on leaving for awhile, I have some personal things going on that might cause me to have to stay a little longer," Ben shared.

"I know your lady probably hates that and is ready for you to come be with her," Chavez replied.

"Yeah, but she's understanding," Ben said staring at the text message.

Miranda was sitting up in bed looking at all the pictures she had of her and Ben in her phone. She found a picture editing app and combined a picture of her and Ben with a picture of their daughter and she smiled as tears ran down her cheeks.

Suddenly her phone rang and she quickly answered and wiped her tears away. "Ben," Miranda said softly.

"Hey Miranda," Ben said plainly. It was quiet and awkward then Miranda pressed the button for them to FaceTime.

Ben quickly answered and Miranda smiled being able to see his face after days of not talking.

"Hey handsome," Miranda said.

Ben smiled slightly but she could see the sadness and anger in his eyes. "I won't fuss because I believe I know why you haven't felt like communicating. I will just do my best to be here for you how I can until you move here," Miranda said.

Ben just continued to stare at her admiring how beautiful she was with her big brown eyes that captured his heart every time and her plump lips that he just wanted to kiss forever. But he couldn't shake the feeling of sadness and anger when he thought about what their lives could have been and what it wasnt.

"Miranda I feel like I was cheated. I was cheated out of my life with you which I was doing my best to get over because we found each other. And I've always wanted to be a dad and we obviously don't have that chance now because we're older. But you have a son and I have a niece so I was willing to make due with that. But knowing that for a short period of time I technically was a dad and I could have been included in that time with her but it was taken from me I just can't seem to deal."

And I love you with all my heart and I know it's not your fault. But thinking about moving to North Carolina knowing that the people who cheated me of that time are there just doesn't sit well with me. And the more that I look at the pictures of our baby girl and I think about you. I can't think about you without thinking of her and how you got to be with her and I didn't. Right now I don't think I can move to North Carolina. I just need some time to get my head together," Ben told her.

"I love you Miranda....have a good night," Ben said before ending the call.

Miranda just sat there with tears streaming down her face, unable to move, think or breath. She cried with her mouth open, silently. She felt like she was losing him all over again and somehow this time felt like it hurt worse because he was actively choosing to not be with her.