Silent Love

Take me to him.

Allie

I haven't left my bed for two days. I haven't showered, haven't eaten anything, all I did was lay here and stare at the orange bottle trying to gain the courage to do what I failed to do a couple months ago.

My phone has been going crazy with texts from Liam and the other boys. No word from Aiden or Harper not that I was expecting anything, I've been ignoring everyone but Joe. He has no idea what state I'm in, I just told him I needed a couple of days to grieve but it's much worse than that. If he knew how messed up I really am he'd be on a plane back here and I can't do that to him.

Liam has also been coming and going, I didn't know it was him until last night when I gained the strength to look out my window and saw him going to his car. How funny is it? The two boys that helped me two years ago are the brothers of the two boys that are helping me now.

The universe must be real cruel to do this to me. First my parents, then Callum, now Lucas? Who's next? Joe? Jesus I can't even think about losing Joe, that will be the last straw that's for sure.

Not to mention Aiden. Aiden Baker.

"Why are you doing this to me huh? Haven't I suffered enough? The one person I decide to let in after Callum and he ends up being Lucas' brother?" I chuckle unbelievably at my state. "Why don't you just take me out of this world? Save everyone the pain I caused them." Silence. Duh Allie, you're talking to a wall.

I can barely keep my eyes open today, I'm so weak. I decide to go downstairs and make coffee, the fridge is empty since I haven't been to the groceries in a couple days. I'll just have a bite of protein bar or something. Even if I wanted to eat more, I couldn't. My stomachs closed up now.

I don't know how much time I spent looking at the steam coming out of the kettle until a knock on my door startles me and I drop the mug. "Shit." I wince when two broken pieces cut my bare feet. Grabbing another mug and pouring my coffee in it I carefully walk around the broken glass and make my way to the staircase ignoring the knocking.

As I enter the living room Liam's voice comes from behind the door. Does he ever give up? "Go away Liam."

His voice raises a bit probably because he's startled to hear my sore voice after two days of silence. Of course Liam being Liam says some shit about getting  pneumonia and that he'll let me hit his cohoonies. I can hear the worry in his voice and all I want to do is open the door and let him give me one of his bear hugs but if I open that door I'll have to deal with everything else. I don't want to do that, I'd rather stay confined in my room away from everything and everyone. I keep making my way to the stairs until Liam's words stop me again. "Lucas left something for you."

He stops for a couple of seconds until he speaks again. He probably wants to tell me what Ben wanted to tell me and if that's the case then that can only mean one thing. Liam knows.

Anxiety takes over my body. If he knows maybe he told Aiden and if he did ... I'm leaving. I won't be able to face him.

I hear Liam mumble a few words and footsteps walking away. Before I realize what I'm doing I open the door and face the first boy that spoke to me on my first day back. The boy that I've come to know is the one who realized how broken and I am by one look. I wouldn't have any friends if it weren't for him, he didn't give up. I owe it to him to listen. I open the door all the way silently inviting him in, I look down avoiding his gaze that's laced with worry. I know how I must look,  if I knew I'd be doing this today I'd at least had a shower but I don't have the energy for that.