unbearable, trent alexander-arnold

¹⁷the lack of

november, twelfth.

THEY HADN'T SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER SINCE. maybe it was their pride, a lack of time, or just shyness. as weird as it was, it was the first time they had argued about something serious and not something pointless that didn't make sense. they had really hurt each other's feelings and that was something new because they had never experienced that feeling before. only occasional jabs were thrown, to make sure that the other was annoyed enough with them to keep that burning flame between them going while being careful to never get too close either.

however, a few days ago, during this phone call, they had burned themselves playing with it, and the wound seemed to have trouble healing.

yet, trent tossed and turned in his bed every night. tosca was what occupied his thoughts day and night, no matter where he went or what he did, something constantly reminded him of her. he was dying to hear her voice, to see her, but even more to touch her. after all, he knew her much better physically than he did mentally. the warmth of her body was missing at bedtime, and his bed seemed bigger without her, and too big for him.

he still let the curtains open and he still slept on the right side, even though she wasn't there anymore. a book that she had forgotten was still on the side table, with an empty cup of tea.
he hadn't found the courage yet to clean it up. maybe it was too soon, or maybe he just still wanted to feel her presence around him. his house's decoration was some kind of comfort for him since she was the one who had done it. even the dumb picture he had taken of her when she was asleep comforted him. he was almost pitiful because of how desperate he was, and his teammates soon noticed it, even if trent hid it well.

he would never have thought that he would miss the young woman like that, especially all the little details that he thought were insignificant. he missed finding the woman's hair in his shower, he missed having almost no place in the bathroom because of all her products. he missed smelling her perfume over his sheets and he missed seeing the young woman's clothes in his wardrobe.

he missed her.

the feeling that gripped him by the throat and kept him awake at night was starting to get heavy and he knew he had to do something about it. only it was harder when she was thousands of miles away, in a country where he knew neither the culture nor the language.

he had promised to call her back, so why was it so hard to press on her name? why was he afraid of getting tangled up and hurting her again? why was he afraid she wouldn't answer? why, why, and why... so many questions needed answers, and they were on the other end of his phone, he just had to find the courage to.

even if he could find it now, it was almost midnight and with the time difference, the young woman was probably already asleep. so he just continued to replay everything he had experienced with her over and over, his hands resting on his pillow, behind his head.

even their defeat against west ham by a score of three to two didn't bother him as much, which was something inconceivable before for him. football was the most important thing in his life, along with his family, yet it seemed that today the young woman was too, and he hated that feeling.

when trent had first met her through a mutual friend, he had been immediately captivated by her beauty. however, her arrogant attitude and way of being toward others immediately turned him off, and this feeling had been reciprocated by tosca immediately. nonetheless, the physical attraction was still there, and after a few drinks, their eventful affair was born, and without them knowing it, it had many surprises in store for them.

at first, trent thought it would be a one-night stand that would not affect his future. however, the night had been so perfect, their bodies in such perfect osmosis, that their numbers had been exchanged and everything had begun to weave together. their beginnings had been stormy, they had struggled to speak to each other without insults, or animosity. then, they learned to tame each other, to manage their temperaments by freeing themselves from their prejudices about each other. even if their affair remained chaotic, it had nevertheless improved after a more than difficult beginning.