Leaving my love behind

Chapter 43

Meredith's POV:

Derek finally arrived to take me home and I'm beyond excited but there is also a deep gut feeling that makes me feel on edge but I'm not sure what is causing me to feel so out of place.

I unwillingly get into the wheelchair I know I may need it but I don't want it, I can just use my crutches to get to the car.... but to get to the car we have to walk past the alleyway, we have to walk past the place where he attacked me and I don't think I can do that, not yet.

"Derek stop please."

He probably didn't hear me because of how quiet I muttered the words asking him to stop.

"Derek stop please." I say louder

"Mer? What's wrong?"

"I-I can't go out there Derek. Please don't make me go out there please Derek, please don't make me I can't do it."

At this point my hopes of not crying or making a scene have gone out the widow. I am a complete and utter mess.

"Meredith, sweetie look at me.... good now we don't have to go out this way, we can get someone to bring the car around to the front and we won't have to go this way until you're ready? You're safe with me Meredith."

"Derek. I..... can't.... please.... don't... please don't make me go.... please!"

I've blocked out everyone and anything around me and the only thing I can focus on is the alleyway, I can't even hear or process what Derek has said to me.

"Meredith, listen to me you are safe here, you are safe with me we're going to go home and be with the girls and you won't have to be near the carpark for a while, you are safe here Meredith look at me. You are safe here."

Derek's POV:

Meredith was now hyperventilating and crying nothing I've said has seemed to process with her and if she doesn't calm down anytime soon I am going to have to get Bailey to sedate her for the the ride home.

I quickly get up and grab a paper bag to hand to Meredith, last time something like this happened it seemed to slow her breathing down I'm only hoping it's the same this time round.

"Meredith, breathe in and out with this bag okay? I'll breathe with you. In.....Out......In....Out"

Her breathing starts to slow and her eyes start to drupe the panic attack drained a lot out of her.

"Mer, Alex has brought my car to the front of the hospital, we're going to go home now okay? You're safe with me, let's go home and see the girls."

...

Meredith fell asleep as soon as she hit the seat and is still sleeping as I pull into the driveway of our house, I decide to lift Meredith from the car into our bedroom so she can sleep in a comfy bed for a wee while.

...

"Hi Ma, thank you so much for being here during all of this and looking after the girls, it means a lot to Meredith and I."

"Derek it's not a problem, Meredith has been through so much these past few months it's the least I can do while you were going through such a traumatic experience. Speaking of which where is Meredith I thought she was discharged today?"

"She had a bad panic attack while we were leaving, she tired herself out and fell asleep on the way here so I just placed her in our bed to rest."

"Oh dear she must be feeling all sorts of emotions, when's her first therapy session do you know?"

"In a couple of days from today I'm thinking of bringing it forward to be sooner, but I also know she just wants to be with the girls for a while before she has to face and acknowledge what happened to her."

"Well I know the girls have missed their mumma so much, maybe one of them will say their first words soon."

"Maybe I mean they are only 7 months old Ma."

//

Meredith's POV:

I feel so out of place, I don't know where I am or who's bed I am in. I slowly open my eyes and I automatically start to panic I'm not in my hospital bed with the machines beeping every second. Think Meredith think.

I look around me and I realize that I am in Derek's and I's room, I'm home and in our bed. The memories from earlier today come back to me and I'm so embarrassed of how I acted in front of everyone, I am so humiliated and I can't even go downstairs or to the bathroom by myself. God why did this have to happen to me.

Derek-"Mer, did I hear you? Are you awake?"

"I'm awake Derek."

"I'm coming in okay, it's just me."

Derek walks in with some grilled cheese and some movies in hand with a concerned look plastered on his face.

Derek-"So, Ma has gone down for a nap and the girls are in their room laying in their cribs, so I was thinking the four of us could have some grilled cheese and watch some movies. I know today wasn't the best day for you so I think we should just lay here and cuddle."

"Derek...that sounds really nice. I'm sorry for eariler."

"Meredith you have PTSD it's to be expected, I wasn't expecting you to be cured by the click of a hat it's going to take time and I'm here for you every step of the way. Now I'm going to grab the girls you pick movie we should start with."

"The notebook?"

"You always pick that one Meredith."

"And?"

.....

We are now onto our fifth movie and by we I mean me, the girls are far gone they fell asleep on top of Derek and I during the first movie, and now Derek is asleep so I'm awake by myself and I really need to go to the bathroom but I don't want to wake Derek or the girls up to ask for help. So I'm going to try and use the crutches even though I'm technically not supposed to until Callie says I can but I really need to pee.

I was going so well until I misplaced my footing on my good foot and I fell right down to the ground, I'm definitely would have woken Derek up now.

"Crap."

Silence. Maybe I didn't wake him up but now I'm stuck lying on the floor unable to get up maybe I should have just woken Derek up.

"M-Meredith? Where are you?"

"Down here Derek."

"How did you get from the bed to the floor? Meredith please don't tell me you used your crutches."

"I used my crutches I just really needed to pee and I didn't want to wake you up I'm sorry."

"Meredith, let me help you up next time wake me the girls didn't even flinch when I moved them, so just ask me I can help you."

"I don't want to be a charity case Der."

"You're not you just need help here and there sometimes, now let's go to the bathroom and go back to movie number 4."

"Five Der you fell asleep during the third."

Maybe asking for help isn't such a bad thing but if Derek gets all overprotective I won't survive.I have no clue what I'm going to do while I'm bed bound I need to get back to work.

hi everyone! For this chapter I kind of wanted to show that Mer isn't better straight away and even though she is discharged she still experiences flashbacks and panic attacks, and I also wanted to add wanted some cute MerDer family time hehe.

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