May we meet again (Clexa)

Chapter 35

What is love if not heart break awaiting to happen. Loving someone is like losing a part of yourself, it is giving parts of yourself to that person and you pray, you pray to the gods above that they don't break your heart. What is love if not heartbreak?

"I am sorry Clarke," Lexa turned and looked out into the open sea. "I'm really sorry Aden is gone, and that it's all my fault...if i hadn-" She turned to look at Clarke, her glassy eyes carried so much pain, the green in her eyes dying, like leaves dying in autumn. "Aden would still be here." The tears dropped and just like that Clarke realized how in pain Lexa was, she could feel her pain but at the same time she had so much anger buried inside she didn't know where to put it.

Clarke knew that there was some truth, that just maybe If Lexa hadn't come back then Aden would still be alive but to the Gods above Lexa coming back was the best thing that had happened to her in a while.

Aden dying was tragic, it was mind numbing but Clarke also believed it wasn't Lexa's fault, Lexa was just a product of a vicious game that took and took from innocent people and never gave back.

Clarke took Lexa's hand in hers. "It hurts like hell because I feel like I lost two of my favorite people in the world, Aden is gone Lex, but you're here and I can't feel you." Clarke let the tears in her eyes fall down, "This war, just know whatever you do Madi and I need you."

Clarke got up after that and went back to join Madi in the beach towel she was lying in with Raven. She needed Lexa, the Lexa that she met from that very first day, not this Lexa. This Lexa was after war and Clarke was terrified more blood would spill, more funerals would take place.

"She okay?" Raven asked

"No," Clarke answered truthfully, she closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Madi, "I love you princess," She whispered

"I love you too," Madi replied.

They laid there, under the dying sun, watching as night took over. As the day died down the crew began packing up their stuff and putting them back in the car.

"Clarke?" Lexa called Clarke to the side

"We having a meeting at Anya's house today, about the next step and I'd like for you to be there."

"Sure, let me just let mom know I'll be coming home late."

After briefing Abby, Clarke, and Raven got in Lexa's car, the ride was quiet but in all that there were so many unspoken word, so many things unresolved. They dropped Abby and Madi off at the house and drove off, when they got there, they all got and went inside Anya and Raven's house.

Slight pov change

Aden is gone and I'm not okay, the world feels like it has fallen out of orbit except everyone else and everything thing is still the same. I am struggling to keep my thoughts straight, my mind is in a state of panick and I need a release, i just need to drink and feel like I'm floating.

Lexa is busy talking about something in front, everyone is staring at her, I am too I guess except I can't hear what she's saying. I can only hear what she's not saying, what she's not doing. I hear war and I need reassurance, I need to know that we'll make it through this but I don't see it, I see Madi and I see my mom. I think Mom is good for Madi and I'm a disaster waiting to happen.

"You okay?" Raven asks from next to me, Am I alright? How could I ever be alright. It feels like my heart has been snuffed out. I could call Niylah she could talk me down but I don't think I want to talk, I want to feel nothing. Perhaps Lexa and I are just toxic for each other. I'm failing to pull her in from the turmoil in her mind and for once in my life I was doing okay and she came in and in her wake left me in a train wreck.