Shaking || karlnap

35. The end

"I know you're nervous baby but I know you can do it," Nick placed a hand on Karl's shoulder while the brunette sat in front of his pc.

Karl nodded as he opened the monster energy drink that was sitting next to his keyboard. The 'starting stream' screen overwhelmingly covered his main monitor but he wanted to do this, he needed to do this; so, he unmuted and started.

"Hi chat," Karl chuckled softly as he moved his hair out of his face. "I know, I know, I left social media again really unexpectedly. Something came up and that's what I wanted to talk to you guys about."

"This, uh, this is really difficult to say," he said as his shaking hands reached over to pick up the monster for him to take a sip.

"I had to go away for a bit. I'm okay though, I'm okay now." He clarified as he put the can down and chewed on his sleeve again. "I went to a clinic," he explained, taking a deep breath afterwards.

"I had been really struggling with self-acceptance, and confidence and really just not feeling comfortable in my own skin for a pretty long time."

"Nick noticed it, I thought was hiding it and I thought I was doing a good job at hiding it but Nick noticed. He noticed and I saw some of you guys noticing it too but I just chose to ignore it, I didn't want to admit it. I guess that's part of being sick though; thinking that you're not sick enough to get help."

The next sentence was the hardest one to get out but after glancing away from the screen, and looking his second monitor instead, he managed to almost choke the words out. "I had really bad problems with my weight, I won't go into specifics because I know that's very triggering for some people," he explained as he held his can, shuffling the tab of it around as some extra distraction.

"But it's a lot better now and I got the help I need and I know I didn't need to tell you guys this but I guess I just wanted to raise some sort of awareness. A lot of people are struggling with stuff like this and it isn't spoken about enough."

"Eating disorders affect a lot of people but it's possible to recover and to take your own life back. If any of you are struggling, I want you to know that recovery is possible. It may seem hard and you may have some slip ups but it's possible and it's so worth it. I've been recovered for just over a month and I already feel so much happier."

"It is hard, and I do struggle sometimes but that's okay. I have supportive people around me and I love them all so much."

"If you're going through a bad time then please know that it's okay to get help. There's professionals who can help you or you can talk to those close to you who you love and trust and ask them for help. There's no shame in wanting to get better."

"I genuinely love you guys so much and am so grateful for you staying with me during all my dissapearances," he smiled softly and quickly rubbed his eyes, "Ahh I'm sorry, I told myself I wouldn't cry," he chuckled softly as he used his sleeve to wipe his eyes.

Nick noticed it and walked into the frame, standing behind him, bending down a bit and softly wrapping his arms around the others shoulders, "I'm proud of you pretty boy."

"Thank you," he whispered and tilted his head to look up at him, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Karl took a moment to collect himself again and took another sip of his drink. After speaking to the chat for a bit, he showed a sweet and genuine smile that felt so good to show again. "Right chat, who wants to play some videogames?"