All For A Daisy

Chapter 14

Natalie:

            Cam and I were sitting in his backyard on a blanket. We went on so many dates but how could I keep denying that I couldn't feel anything at all? No love. No spark. Nothing.

            "What's on your mind?" Cam finally asked.

            I turned to look at Cam. I sighed. "Nothing," I lied.

            Cam stood there and looked at me, unconvinced. "Natalie," he said softly. "Is everything alright?"

            Yeah, everything was alright. But, it was more than everything being right. It was something being wrong. It made me think that there was something missing even though I should've felt complete because of Cam.

            "Cam," his name rolled off my tongue. "I really love you. I really do but..."

            He sat there and looked me straight in the eyes, searching for the answer.

            "What, Natalie?" he asked. "Tell me what's wrong," he urged me gently.

            My heart ached and I had to remind myself to breathe. "Cam, I love you. I don't want you to take this the wrong way but, I need time to think."

            We sat still there for a while. I tried to collect myself and tried to repeat in my head what I just said.

            "Wait," Cam said with a frown. "Are you breaking up with me?"

            I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "No, Cam. I don't want to break up with you. I just want to...take a break from our relationship. I just need to sort things out, if that's okay."

            He smiled briefly. He kissed my forehead. "Take all the time you need." 

            I smiled and kissed Cam goodbye.

            I needed something. I didn't know what I needed exactly.

            But I needed to find out.

+++ 

Secret Admirer:

            I held my knees to my chest. I just watched the sun set in the field.

            It seemed so beautiful. A lot of things seemed beautiful and yet made your mind spin like crazy.

            I chuckled at myself. How stupid can a person get? Waiting, wishing for something to happen?! It was like trying to stop the sun from setting.

            Way to go, Jake! You're so stupid and ignorant. How can you just let a girl like Natalie down like that?!

            I fell back onto the grass and stared into the sky. Why was I the only one who seemed to get hurt? Why was I the only one who fell in love with the wrong person?

            No matter how many times I tried to deny it, Natalie was my first love. It hurt so bad to admit it because I knew that I wouldn't be able to forget.

            I felt as the though the sky was falling on me. I felt like I was gradually disappearing into the background. Maybe that's exactly what I wanted. Maybe I wanted to disappear. Maybe I just didn't want to feel anything anymore.

            Moving to L.A. with my brother may be the best decision I ever made...or the worst. Convincing my parents took a while but I guess it's worth it, right?

            But, was it really what I wanted? Did I really want to finally move on?

            I still wanted to tell Natalie, but I couldn't.

            I sighed and just hoped someday, maybe if I gave it a little time, love could prove me wrong.

            I stood up and smiled briefly before saying goodbye to our field of memories. I tried to take a deep breath and bit my lip to stop myself from crying.

            Goodbye, memories. Goodbye, Natalie.