Without The Grace

Apologies and New Starts

"Were you queen?" I asked Mama Lily. "Or ruler? I'm not sure what the government system is like..." I trailed off. 

"No darling. But I was the kings wife. In Solveig, there's only one ruler. King or queen."

"But grandpa died." I said. "Right?"

"Yes. But by then your mother had already met your father. He was a brave man. And so gentle with her. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to take care of my daughter." She said smiling softly.

"Aren't you afraid? About what's happened in Solveig?"

"Gosh no. Your mother can take care of herself. I have no doubts she's fine. The country however is in turmoil. I knew Hans since we were children. I've never met somebody so intent on destruction. Even as a small child."

"Why exactly did I need protection?" I asked.

"A number of reasons." she responded. "You could have been taken from the royal palace and brainwashed. You could have been killed. You could have been held for ransom. You are the heir to the throne after all." She told me.

A door in the back of the shop opened and closed. We all waited to see who would walk in. My jaw dropped.

"Alex, what are you doing here?" I asked. He looked afraid and apologetic.

"Don't be angry Panda. It's just...well...I kind of..."

"Don't tell me," I said through gritted teeth. "You're in on it too. Protecting me. Just like my father was." I spat.

He looked down. "Aaliyah..."

"Don't bother." I pushed myself away from the table and stormed out of the shop.

When I got outside, the fresh air broke the dam.

I burst into tears. They just kept coming and coming. I couldn't stop. It was like my whole life had been a lie.

"Aaliyah..." it was Alex. I hadn't heard him call me that in years.

"Our friendship wasn't fake. I promise..."

I couldn't believe him. Though I'd known him all my life, we hadn't become close friends until middle school.

I didn't want to look at him.

"That's why you walked with me every morning." I said through my hands. "To make sure nobody came after me."

"Yeah. And also because I wanted to."

"No. It was because you had to.
I can't even believe any of this." I let out another sob.

"Who else?" I asked thickly.

"Who else what?" he responded.

I looked at him now in agitation.

"Who else is protecting me?! Who else lied to me?! What else do I need to know?!" I shouted.

"Aaliyah. You should come inside." Kenneth said appearing next to me. He tried to take my hand.

"Did you know?!" I asked him angrily.

He took my shoulders. "Are you serious? I found out when you did."

I sighed. "I know. I'm sorry." I said. My nose was now stuffy and I felt bloated. I probably looked disgusting.

Kenneth held me against his body.

I pulled away. "Wait." I looked at Alex.

"How are you part of the organization? I've known you...forever."

"Raul noticed how close we were. He took me in and trained me." He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "He taught me everything I need to know to keep you safe Aaliyah. We're trying to help you because we love you. That's why I agreed." He took a step closer to me. " I was just as shocked as you are when I found out."

I didn't push away when Kenneth held me this time.

We stood there for so long that Alex sighed and went inside.

Kenneth kissed the top of my head.

"Everything's gonna be okay." He told me.

"I need to go." I said.

'I know." He whispered.

"Can I speak to you Aaliyah?" Raul was outside now.

I nodded against Kenneth's chest.

"Alone?"

"I-"

"I think you should." Kenneth interrupted. He cupped my face and kissed me long and tenderly before going inside leaving me alone with Raul.

We stood in silence for a while.

I had nothing to say to him and I wasn't sure exactly what Raul wanted to say to me. It felt weird calling him Raul, even in my head.

There were so many things wrong at the moment.

"I'm really sorry." Was what he decided on.

"You know what sucks?" I asked facing him.

He looked away from the brick wall he was boring a hole into. "What?"

"I really want you to be my father."

He looked like he wanted to smile but he held back. "It doesn't have to change."

I shook my head. "Yes it does. I'm leaving and you're not stopping me."

"If you go, I'm going with you."

"It's a one way trip." I informed him.

"So what? You're gonna leave every thing behind?" He asked me.

"Leave what?" I asked throwing my hands up. "I have nothing here."

"What about Kenneth. From the way he just kissed you, anybody can see he's in love with you."

I looked away. I didn't want to leave Kenneth. But if I had to...I didn't even want to think about it.

"He can come."

"How do you know he will?" He asked me.
I changed the subject.

"If my mother is in trou-?"

"How are you going to help? You can't. And you can't go. It's dangerous."

"So?"

"So I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Why should it matter?" I pressed. "You're not even my-"

"Father?" he finished "Why do you keep throwing that in my face? I raised you and took care of you. I love you more than anything Aaliyah and I'll protect you whether its for my job or not." He glared at me though I knew that it wasn't with anger.

More tears spilled down my cheeks.
All of our years together, all of our stolen weekends, they all came flooding to my memory and I couldn't hold back any longer.

"I love you too." I said running into his arms. He hugged me tight, apologizing over and over.

With him hugging me, I felt like everything could be okay.
Though I knew my life was far from being okay.

My life was just starting.

Again.