Incomplete love

Idyllic

'This is cheating! I was forced to lose!' his cheeks crinkled in lines, smiling at my antics. I held onto his warm bony fingers rubbing a part of his palm under my thumb. 

'Your frown makes my heart ache.' He whispered. His voice was still barely audible. Time was passing so quickly now that he was fully awake. Six hours, and I still can't get enough of those beautiful brown orbs shining back at me. And my poor heart was still thumping. Anticipating the worst. For a good half hour, he struggled to get out of the mask. My sole focus was on the rise and fall of his chest. The moment his oxygen mask was replaced with a tube in the throat, he relaxed. But all I noticed was the sides of his eyes scrunched up, drawing his pale plump lips wide. He was smiling.  At me. I was almost afraid. Is this real? Was I dreaming? It was as already nightfall when he whispered 'Hap-y anni-versary, ba-by.' And emotions rushed at me. Why did I torture myself? All I needed was this. His voice, just the sound of him breathing. It melted three weeks of agonizing knots, my shoulders felt lighter already. 

'Ayy, soo cheesy, this is what you did for the entire month, didn't you?!' i wound and unwound our fingers. This still feels wrong. I should be on the ground, on my knees, begging. But it felt so good. And he was smiling. He heals this way. With laughs and smiles. I put on the most betrayed face, trying to tease him some more. 'Jin-ah! Did you watch the new episodes with me?!' His shoulder vibrated with a slight chuckle. 'It was inter-esting, the mo-ther-' 

'Ahh, spoiler! spoiler! Peter Pettigrew!' at least he was smiling. The sound of his voice was soothing, soul-satisfying. 

'I though-t you mu-st have wat-ched-' he spoke. 

'NO!' my dramatic shake of the head, made him pout. Oh god Jin, I have missed you so much. I could kiss him senselessly. If only every kiss would take an ounce of his pain away. My heart fluttered. Just like the way it did the first time I saw him. 

Dark brown eyes, silky chocolatey locks framing a strong jawline. Perfectly shaped lips, crimson red and plump, complimented the flawless porcelain skin. Such beauty. God had crafted him personally! His quick and curious gaze scanning the crowd accidentally met mine. The depths of his pure soul were bare for me to glimpse. Brief as it was. I had officially fallen in love with this man within seconds. A stranger. His skin flushed a deeper red when he introduced himself as Kim Seokjin of BTS, to the boy who couldn't stop staring at him. I didn't know I was capable of so much desire until that moment. I wanted to protect and cherish every inch of this man. And I wanted those eyes, sparkling gold, only for me. His delicious lips tantalized a new sensation in my core. I wanted to taste them. They reminded me of strawberries. What I didn't know was if Jin was gay. Or that he would ever be interested in me. All I knew was I wanted him. All for myself. And it just became complicated.

Over the next year, my life was a living hell. The constant fluttering in my core grew louder and more prominent.  So much so that Jimin caught me lusting over him. I had tried to convince myself that it cannot be. It has to be just an infatuation with a pretty man. Maybe all men are so pretty in Seoul. Also, how can I fall for this man? Let alone one of the members? But it only became even more uncomfortable. Every action, every word, every laugh of his, caused an obvious rumbling in my heart. Proximity became evidently difficult. I wanted to ravage him, ruin him,  every single- time. I wanted him for myself. Nobody else was allowed near him. And  I was also afraid of losing him to this society. The one that would never accept us as a couple. His dedication to creating a picture-perfect reputation for BTS scared me. And disappointed me, it felt like a dead end. I had given up and made peace with loving him from a distance. But he proved me wrong on our debut night. After the broadcast shoot, my world came to a standstill. Sejin Hyung coaxed a very drunk Jin to dare reveal a secret during the after-party. Unabashed, and out of his senses, he announced 'Kim Taehyung, I like you! Will you date me?' The room was full of members, PD-nim, and staff. Their shell-shocked faces are still fresh in my memory, except for Sejin Hyung's. He still proudly claims to have known even before we ourselves knew. I remember running out of the room, my face flushed hot and tears. My teenage self was confused, embarrassed, and afraid.  And he followed me, but it wasn't until his soft plump lips crashed against mine on that rooftop that I was shaken out of my senses. He tasted of cherry, alcohol, and Jin, whatever that aroma was, lined my memory of our first kiss. It was sloppy, messy, and yet theirs, besides it was Jin's first-ever kiss.  It was pure euphoria, to have my feelings validated and reciprocated. There was no care in this world, just the desperate need to express our feelings. Jin giggled and blushed, I wanted more, but I wanted him to remember every single moment of it. As we parted ways back in the dorm, I went to bed with a dread in mind, what if he doesn't remember any of it tomorrow morning? But he proved me wrong while grabbing my hand himself as we sat in PD-nim's office. He demanded respect and acceptance of our relationship with zero remorse or regret. And I looked at him in awe as we walked out of the room, hand in hand. Since then we had built our own fairytale. Even on the stormiest nights, I found my way back into his embrace. He was the anchor of my life. My only muse. My entire world.