Incomplete love

Ugly Duckling

Seokjoong

'Dra-g hi-m out of here!'Jin croaked, veins twisted on his neck, dangerously. 'I don-don't care how!' he coughed, hard. The yelling was taking a toll on his lungs. Barely awake for a few minutes, he had requested every person walking around him to get his or just a phone. He wanted to call PD-nim and drag Taehyung out of there. But to his misfortune, it was me, his brother that caught him.  'Ta-ke him a-way, Namjoon-ah!' he was panting, chest clearly aching. His eyes though had a pure rage in them, staring at the guilty man in the screen. If he was standing and well, he would have stormed out of this place. Oh, how I wish you were standing Jin-ah. Only you can handle them, their mother, and now Taehyung. 'You are at fau-lt t-too!' he took a break from the screen. Accusing eyes settled on me. The erratic rise and fall of his chest caught my attention, more than his words. 'Always int-midating hi-m otherwise. What happen-ed now?' coughing and wheezing through the raised voice. His feet moved quickly, dropping the bed back in its sleeping poistion. 'Shh, Jin-ah. Take it easy' he shouldn't be sitting at all. 'Namjoon-ah, we will call you later' the sad face on the screen nodded, cutting the call. Thankfully there was no blood in his apparatus. But his wheezing continued. His hand wrapped around his wrist, stopping him from getting help. 'Hy-ung' barely audible 'Please make- h-him leave' shuddering in the after-effects of pain. All he could promise him was a nod. Taehyung was determined and stubborn. Shit, he should have stopped their mother somehow.  Stupid Welfare department in this hospital, helping Taehyung with such a petty complaint. At least respect the man's wish, Kim Taehyung!

Seok Jin's perspective

Everything was numb in his body, every cell in his body hurt when the painkillers wore off. He should be sleeping. But he couldn't. Nothing hurt him more than the thought of seeing Taehyung again. Lying on the floor. Barely breathing.  Memories of a day, five years ago, had been haunting him since. Sejin Hyung had found him, alone, in the rehearsal room. What he met with was a lifeless body, refusing to wake up, giving up on living. They said it was a panic attack. First one since losing his grandparents. Regrets of his career and the sudden immense loss had made him lose faith in life. Jin begged him to wake up and pass on any strength he could muster. He did wake up after ten days. It had hurt, and his heart ached, for Taehyung regretted every waking up. He blinked back to the present. The handsome face, those beautiful dark eyes, and puckered lips looked haggard. Shadows of stress marked his skin.  The panic attack must have taken a toll on him. Nobody listens to me, he cannot be here. He cannot stay. Not for the ugly parts. He sighed, one could weep at his helpless state. Unable to move, unable to gather strength. Neither to run away nor to support the man he cared for. 

Taehyung

Pd-nim could get on my nerve sometimes. Jin was usually the one diffusing the tension between us. Ah, Jin! Your eyes still shine the same way. Always hypnotizing me. It was a good idea to stay away from the room, for now. His reaction had devastated him. Shaking his resolve. Why should he look at you? Even in the most desperate situation, he doesn't want your help. But then again, why should he trust you to help him? For all that matters to him, I could accuse him of dating the doctor here. It took him a good hour to bounce back. Jimin's call had helped him calm down. Now while PD-nim yelled in his ear, his eyes followed the doctors and a horde of staff disappearing into Jin's room. Seokjoong Hyung had left to freshen up, assuming Jin was already asleep. His feet moved involuntarily. Following the group recklessly, he pushed through the door. His heart dropped. The phone fell out of his hands and his hand clutched his own chest. Jin' eyes rolled back into his head and his neck fell back to the pillow. Mouth agape and face contorted in pain, but no scream came. His torso arched and twisted at a painful angle. Chest thrust forward forcefully. The nurse tried pushing it back down, but he gawked at the gesture. When it stopped, his torso fell back on the bed with the loud noise. But he didn't straighten up, curling to his side. Face twisted, drained, and heaving. His eyes had pure panic in them. Pleading him, his mouth moved 'Get ou-out! Do-don't loo-' red flooded between his lips, cutting his voice.

 Eyes glued on me, while thrashed for the second time. The nurses held his feet and hands forcefully. From turning to the other side. Not that he could, consciously. His head vibrated violently as blood gushed out of his lips, and another set of hands pressed him into the bed, tearing off his shirt to reveal milky white skin. Several scars on it. One more to be added. The doctor pierced something sharp between his ribs and his eyes shut close. Raw pain made his arms flail helplessly and his jaw froze wide. He was ghastly white, with blood gushing out his mouth. The piercing was attached to another apparatus and blood dripped out of it. His contorted face scrunched up to scream, but no voice came. A set of hands wrapped around my armpits and dragged. I realized my legs had given out. On my knees, I was screaming on his behalf, feeling his pain course through my body. It was only when Jin disappeared from my direct vision that my mouth shut closed, and my throat hurts. Mind and body numb, staring at the door. I felt empty. An aching returned in my chest. I realized quickly, my heart was racing a little too fast and my breathing was coming in short gasps. The image of Jin replayed over and over in his mind making it worse. But his mind was in torment. It replayed every disgusting thought that made him doubt their relationship. What had he thought of when Jin would cough in the washroom, scrub it after, and the first time he saw scars on his chest? Oh, what the fuck had he endured to get them, and what had he thought they came from. Disgusting! His hand hit his cheek, repeatedly. It hurts, his entire body hurt to sit here. I don't deserve to cry, angrily wiping his cheeks. Sudden pain coursed from my feet to my head and I was out of breath. Maybe if I stop breathing this pain will stop. NO! STOP! Jin needs you! If I hold it close, maybe it will stop.  Not sure for how long, but I was still counting, rocking on my knees, repeating You can't collapse, you have to live for Jin,  verbally. 

A tap on my shoulder broke my trance, he was asking something, but he couldn't make sense. I must have looked crazy, but the moment I saw the doctor, I wanted to ask him about Jin. Failing to stand, a nurse wrapped her arms around me, supporting my weight. The doctor repeated his question 'Are you alright? Do you need treatment?' he asked, thankfully in English, with concern in those eyes. I don't deserve this. He should be with Jin. Was Jin still in pain?  Was he still thrashing? Can they not help him? Will he live? Can he do something to help him? Please please take his pain away. He will do anything!  I did remember moving his mouth, but couldn't hear his own voice. Jin's screams still ringing in his ear. 'It is Sepsis. We cannot medicate him. We have administered resting medication, let's hope for it to be a peaceful night.' They left after handing me a tablet. The nurse watched me swallow it before leaving. Confused, and scared, my gaze fixated on the door. Drowsy with the medication,  a dream, Jin biting his lips from screaming, thrashing in pain on the floor as blood spilled from his mouth, the door, the floor was familiar. And then a voice, my voice, screaming in the background, Jin's eyes spilling tears of pain and hurt at his words. I sat up, realizing, that it was their home, not a dream, but a reality. It was Jin's suffering, that I had caused when I broke his heart and left him alone in pain. 

In desperation, I wobbled to my feet, my breathing raving up again as I held on to the wall for support once through the door. Legs turned jelly to see him curled up. Sliding down the wall, watching him pull his knees tighter against his chest, his breathing ragged, twice as much harder. The shuddering of his back and whimpering, almost made me run out and grab the doctor. 

'Did-i -lo-ok lik-e a walru-s?' barely audible, but his broken wheezing voice was meant as a joke. Calming me down momentarily, if he was fine, there would be a smirk playing on his plump lips. The same ones that were spilling blood a few minutes ago. My breathing quickened again, I shouldn't be sitting here. I made him like this. 'Cal-m dow-n' the command was curt and clear, and my heart slowed down immediately, without my consent. But it was never mine. It was listening to its owner.  'Told y-you all my sense-s are trained on y-you' The wheezing efforts straining his neck, my heart was racing again. He should be sleeping, healing, and not cracking jokes. Tears blurred my vision. His wince echoed in the room.  Why was he training his senses on me in this state? Fucking hell Jin-ah, worry about yourself for once. 

'Won't y-you at least smile? I-' he struggled to breathe, my feet had a mind of their own. Another wince ate up his words. And I hesitated, holding the door handle. Why are you doing this to me Jin-ah? Please please Angels, take away his pain. I can't see him like this. 

'Please... sleep.' I said. He squirmed, 'don-t call-th-em.' he chuckled. I tug the ends of my hair and squat by the door, just in case. Make it stop, please. 

'Do I re-ally dis-gust yo-ou, Taehyungie?'