For Eternity

Chapter 19: It's going to be fine.

TW: Self-harm

I walked to my bedroom and retrieved the rings. 

"What? Right now?" He asked walking next to me 

"Yes right now," I said 

"Why so soon?" he asked 

"Well, the nations will declare an all-out war on me if I stay single for any longer. The priest is still here, I called my dad and brother they'll be meeting us on the lawn, and well didn't my mother want us to get married? And you are the most eligible and willing groom in the radius and well you can't be worse than my previous husband," I could feel the dagger on my thigh softly brushing against me. It was a constant reminder as to what happens if I let anyone get too close for it was the same one used to kill me.

We walked down and right into the lawn and had a very quick ceremony of I do's and ring exchange, and boom we were married. Europe and the void had a new king and the northerners had a new queen and king. My PA had to stay up all night making calls to important personnel and the royal offices around the globe informing the new alliance and the doing of the impossible merging of the northern cold lands with the rest of the world. Balance was restored, at least outside. 

I was exhausted and I entered my room to find it lit with candles and roses. What in the actual f-

"Laurie!" I screamed out into the corridor to my mother's most trusted palace guard. He came clamoring from the other end towards me. "Who did this?" I asked him and guilt was written all over the place, "I'm afraid I'm not allowed to say, your majesty." He said looking down at his feet and I knew he would lie to me in only two of the following cases and I knew who had the guts to do this.

I marched to the room to my left and knocked on it sharply. He opened it a peek and I started to march right in when I realized even though he back out something hurled me back. I looked back and realized the door was open enough for me to get inside but not for my wings to. The adrenaline pumping in me ever since I woke up had made them almost invisible to me. I was sure once the adrenaline melted down I would feel every bit of the pain and on top of it, I was wearing a corset, the first one I'd worn since my 16th Birthday. 

I opened my wings and the door swung open for me to fully come inside. "Why did you do that?" I asked my brother whose face and tone was relaxed but his demeanor said it all of how scared he was at the moment. 

"Look that plan was already set-in for the day before all of what happened, happened. When the maids came in and asked me I should still go on I considered that since you are still married at the end of the day you will need to consummate the wedding. The least I could do was create the mood to do something you don't wish to do." He said in a cold and distant tone he has never had against me. 

"Before all that happened, happened?" I said rephrasing him, my voice faltering with each word. There were a million things that I wanted to scream at his face but his expression didn't change. With all that I lost today, I guess I lost my brother as well. Why was he acting this way?

"Why did you say that?" I asked barely in a whisper. 

"Because you died Katherine. And the way you just came in, that scared me, not in the usual way but shake you to your soul scary. I don't know who you are right now." He says in a sad regretful tone. 

But-but

I turned around and fled at full speed before he could even notice the tears pooling in my eyes. Before I knew it I was sitting in my old room with my back to my bed looking out the window, pouring my eyes out. Repeating today's events in my head.

Feeling so very happy in my dress, the appearance of my father, thinking about if he was my father I also had the capabilities of being like that, that cruel thinking about the days when I just wanted to meet him and get to know him but I didn't wish to have this memory of him I wanted to just have his perfect picture in front of me and least of all I didn't want him to die at least not by my hands, I just killed my father and my kids, my lovely little babies had I had some control over my anger I would've seen it, I would've saved them. Stupid. Stupid me. And now I was married to a person I didn't even love, with no way I could love again after he, I opened my pants and drew out the dagger from my thigh band. Leo, he killed me. My tears splattered on the cold steel. Now, my brother, I lost him too. I lost myself.

I put the blade on my inner thigh making a straight cut. It stung but it distracted my thoughts and calmed my breath. Soon all my brain's attention was focused on the softly bleeding cut. I felt calm again as I laid my head back. After a while, I cleaned my teary face and the wound until it just stopped bleeding and walked back down. Saying to myself, it's all going to be fine, just fine that I just had to stick through it.

Down to my awaiting husband.