Rodrick Rules! - A Fanfiction

Chapter Twenty Three: The Apology

I know that the right decision from the beginning would've been honesty but for some reason it's just so hard. I couldn't bring myself to just let my feelings for Rodrick out, I was way too scared. But now that I've seen the outcome of bottling it up, I realize I should've just been okay with rejection. Because now I don't have my friend. I don't have any of my friends. I need to stop being afraid of everything.

That thought is what makes it easier for me to find Anya during lunch. She's sitting with everyone, just like normal. When she looks at me though she seems upset. I can't blame her.

"Hi.." I say feebly.
"Hi." She says back.
"Can I.. talk to you? Please?" I just stand there and wait for her to say no.
She sighs. Andy gives her a look that I can't decipher. "Yeah, we can talk."

Oh. I'm surprised.

She gets up and walks to the hallway and I follow. Maybe she isn't still mad?

She turns around to face me, arms folded. "Alright what do you want?"

I just can't hold it in anymore. I start crying as I let my head hang down. It's really embarrassing and Anya looks kind of weirded out, but sympathetic. Eventually, all I can see are my tears dripping to the floor.

I try my best to make sense in between tears. "I-I'm a really shitty friend... *sniff* and I shouldn't have let my big ego get in the way of our friendship *sniff* and I miss you *sniff* *cough* I miss hanging out with you, I've been so lonely. You're like my other half *sniff* and I just wish I treated you better. And now Rodrick is mad at me and I don't have anybody left *sob* but I deserve it, it's all my fault *sob*"

We just wait in the silence as my pathetic pleas hang in the air. Anya uncrosses her arms.
She's thinking about what to say next.

"You... told Rodrick the truth?" She asks. No anger in her voice yet, that's a good sign.

"Yup" I'm still sniffling "the whole truth, the whole thing. Maybe more than I wanted to, but he heard it all." I just keep looking down.

Silence.

She suddenly leans in to give me a hug. I hug her back almost frantically.

"You did the right thing, Val. I'm proud of you. I know it must've been so hard" she says.
I'm slightly offended by this "Woah hey, it wasn't that hard."
"Mmm you're lying."
"I'm lying..." I hug her tighter.

Yeah, I've been offended enough, it's time to start humbling myself a little more. Anya pulls away and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "Okay now I know you're upset, but I never actually heard an apology come out of you." She tells me with a strict tone. Oh jeez, I guess I didn't actually apologize. Why is it suddenly so difficult to conjure up one? Here goes nothing.

I sigh. "I'm... s-ejmnry"

"What was that? Come on, Val, nothing wrong with admitting you screwed up." Okay damn, Anya. Try this on for size.

"UGH. I'm. Sorry. I am, I promise. Saying it out loud just makes me feel like a loser. But I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let my own anger and insecurities break down our friendship. I really do love and appreciate you and I'm sorry I took you for granted. I couldn't ask for a more loyal and smart friend. Really. I apologize. Lo siento. I'm sorry." Hopefully that was enough of an apology for her. I meant every word.

She smiles a sweet, Anya smile. "I forgive you, dummy. You drive me crazy sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for the world." We hug again. I'm so glad to have her back. I gotta be careful this time, no more freaking out on her and getting overly defensive. I'll be a better friend. Because now, I know what it feels like to not have such a great friend. "I've missed you." She says.

"I learned my lesson these past few weeks. I really need to not be such a dick to people. Admittedly, it's because I'm insecure." I tell her. She rolls her eyes. "Val! I will never stop trying to tell you this, but you're amazing. You have every reason to feel so confident, you're beautiful and smart and funny. You need to start treating yourself better, it hurts to watch." She says, not an ounce of sarcasm.
"Man, I'm so lucky to have you. I promise I'll work on being nicer to myself. Not looking forward to it, but I will. For you." I smirk at her.
"Good, that's my Val. Come on, let's go finish lunch, I'm hungry" she says.
We walk arm in arm back to our usual table.