Kingston

Twenty-one.

He was right.

"I'm sorry, Carter. I really am sorry." I said and sniffled.

"don't be. Don't ever be sorry for loving him. Just, don't get hurt. Don't let him hurt you. All I want is for you to be happy, Kat. You deserve it." he said, and I wanted to burst out into tears.

He placed a kiss on my forehead.

"you're a good guy Carter. You deserve so much better." I said and he smiled.

"I really do. I hope it goes well Kat, you and him. Take care of yourself." he said and let go of my arms.

I nodded, and watched him drive off. My heart had stopped for a second. It hurt, watching him leave like that. But everything he said was right. He couldn't hurt himself trying to love me. It would be just like my mother and father. He'd love me, but I wouldn't love him back. My heart would always belong to another man. No matter how hard I tried to move on, I'd always be his.

I saw Alyssa's shadow in the background, she had a bag in her hand and Axle's keys to his Audi A6.

"Everything okay Kat?" she asked. My blood raged at the thought of her hurting my brother, but I loved her too. I understand why she chose the way she did. In some way, I feel like I would make the same decision. So I nodded to her question.

She got in the car and drove to my house.

"are you feeling okay?" I asked her. The stress isn't good for the baby that isn't Lo's.

"I'm worried about him Kat, what if they kill him?" she asked.

"they won't. I talked to Axle."I replied.

She nodded, and remained silent.

"how far along are you?" I asked. Unable to think of my own situation and trying to diffuse tension. Aly and I aren't like this. Above everything, we're friends.

"maybe about 3 weeks. He came back into town early September. I slept with him when I saw him."she said.

A big part of me resents Alyssa for what she's done. For hurting my brother. For making a rash decision. But another part of me understands why she did it. She's in love. She made a decision based on her emotions. Her brother would never have taught her to do that, the world must have. I'm happy she listened to her heart. I would love to do the same. Make the irrational decision, go after what I want too without overthinking. It's a gift I don't have, I guess. Choosing to fall for Axle Kingston was an irrational decision, but it looks like I listened to my heart too.

So that's why she felt off when I saw her at the lunches, and whenever after that. That night she stayed over, she never told me anything about it. I guess that stung a bit but I also don't think she thought she'd get pregnant.

"I'm really sorry Kat, I don't want to hurt Lo. He's so amazing." she said, and my blood sizzled under my skin. I was angry with her for it, but it was impulse I guess, sleeping with Brendan.

"would you marry him? Brendan?" I asked and saw her smile.

"I would. If Axle doesn't murder him, I would love to marry him." she said.

"why did he leave?"

"well, Axle caught us kissing one day at the house and sent him to Atlantic city. It was no big deal, just Axle being himself." she said and I nodded.

My mind drifted to what Carter said about me loving Axle.

"hey Aly, I know you love Brendan. Can you tell me what that feels like?" I asked, very out of the blue and random.

"well, it feels like it's just the two of you. No matter where you are or whoever is around, all you can think of is his presence. He's constantly on my mind, and honestly I don't think he's ever left it since I met him." she said and I focused straight ahead.

We reached the house and I saw my Nonna standing outside and smoking a cigarette.

"Nonna, it's so late. Are you okay? What are you doing up?" I asked her as I approached the doorway. Aly was behind me, afraid my grandmother would say something awful.

"thinking, I wasted my trip here." she said and I smiled. Aly went inside and walked up to my room.

"they're dealing with it at Axle's house. They might come here to talk to her." I said and she blew out a breath of smoke.

"good, I'd love to look at Axle again. I like him. My word, he's a beauty. Men like him age to look like George Clooney." she said and I laughed.

"he's young for you nonna"

"but not for you. He's got fire in his eyes amore, and from what I could see, they burn for you." she said, and walked into the house leaving me dumbstruck.

If my nonna could see it, maybe other people could see it too.

I shook it off and walked into my room. Aly was in the bathroom. I took off Axle's coat and hung it in my closet. I slipped out of my dress and put on a silk sleepshirt with a pair of matching pants that came just below my knee. My shirt had straps and had a V with lace on it. It was my usual pajama choice.

Aly walked out of the bathroom and slumped on my bed. I put the light off because I could tell she was going to pass out soon.

I lay next to her and texted Axle that we were home. He never read it.

I wondered how this night would go. What would happen to Brendan. I prayed that my brother would keep it together.

My mind wandered off to Carter and everything he told me tonight. I also thought of what Aly said about being in love. I knew I loved Axle.

And now, as selfish as it was, I knew Aly and Lo wouldn't marry.

I threw that thought out of my head, seeing how insensitive it was.

Then I thought of Aly, and what she was going through. With no mother, to be pregnant, it must be difficult to deal with this alone.

So I made a mental promise. No matter what happened I'd be there for her. Through her entire pregnancy. All her doctors appointments, her baby shower and everything in between. I'd be there for her.

I wanted to fall asleep too, but my mind was in so many different places. I always feel like this, like I have too many thoughts to control. Sometimes I just want to put my brain off so I won't think so much.

But I thought of Axle. And what would become of us now.

Now that the agreement between him and my papa was somewhat breached, I had no idea what my father would ask of him. I wondered what would happen to their relationship now, but it was business. And nothing bad could happen. I could tell my father liked Axle. I think he reminded him of himself when he was young.

As the night went on, I wondered of Brendan's fate. I hoped he'd make it. I could tell he loved her. And even though I shouldn't be, I was rooting for them.

It was around 1am now, and I heard the driveway gate open.

And, showtime.

Author note
Hi guys, Emily here. I just wanted to share something with you guys. The part where I wrote about Katerina having too many thoughts is something I experience as well. And I believe that many people experience it too. It's true, sometimes I wish I could just put my brain off so I don't think of so many things. But I also feel that way because I don't really have many people to talk to. But if anyone else feels that way, that's about to change. Anyone who wants to talk to me, about anything, I'm always here. Please slide into my conversation section and we'll take it from there. I don't want anyone here to ever, ever feel alone. Just remember, that thinking and overthinking are two different things. Don't ever feel scared to talk to anyone. I love you all, and I'll always be around.
All my love, E