Bella

Chapter Nine | Relapse

Author's note - TRIGGER WARNING!! THIS CHAPTER BRINGS UP EATING DISORDERS! PLEASE DONT LET THIS TRIGGER YOU <3

Chapter 9 | Relapse
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Gabriella's pov

I've waited for his morning calls but they never came. I cant even look at him in the eyes or be around him without bursting into tears.

I can't believe everything we went through together meant nothing to him. We weren't friends anymore.

I decided to stay at my house for the time being. The perfect chance for me to relapse, I stopped eating. Looking at myself in the mirror, I hated what I saw. No one liked me and I knew it. It hurt a lot knowing that he choose her over me. As I broke down looking at myself I wondered what was so bad about myself that made him choose her over me so quickly. He made me think we would be friends forever. I told him everything.

Was I too ugly? I'm too fat right? Maya runs track so her body was always nicer than mine. She's prettier. Funnier. Smarter. She's everything I couldn't be . I would've chosen her too if I had too. To think he would ever love me, makes me laugh. How could I be so delusional.

He helped me get through my eating disorder when I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at the age of 14. It all started when I started gaining a lot of weight starting freshmen year. The stress and all the drama Maya caused really got to me so I ate as comfort. I ate all my feelings away until it started to show. My mom started to make me workout and eat less. I would get bullied at school. I hated everything I wore because I looked fat. I would cry every night.

I finally had enough and thought if I was skinny I would be happy. So I starved myself. I remember Christmas was not even a month away so I wanted to look nice to take pictures. I would lie and say "I ate at school" or "I'm not hungry". I wrote about my feelings in my diary and I have over 20 pages of just "I'm not hungry" written all over the page. Trying to convince my growing body I wasn't hungry. Of course with not eating; I lost a lot of weight fast. Everyone started to notice and praised me for it. My clothes started to fit better and bigger. I still hated myself though. I looked at myself and I wasn't skinny "enough". All the girls in my grade had thigh gaps, except me.

I never told anyone else about my eating disorder because their wasn't a point. Grey helped me recover. He was there for me every step of the way. From my severe breakdowns, to taking my first bite of food, to loving myself again.

Now I know it was all a lie. He probably just felt bad for me. Pitied me. He thought he should do charity work, helping a poor girl recover anorexia.

I'm so stupid. How could I think someone like him would actually care for someone like me.

3 weeks later..

"it's been 3 weeks since I've relapsed. I'm doing really well. Nobody is realizing. I'm so happy about it. I just play with the food on my tray and throw it out after. My clothes are getting bigger, I'm finally getting thinner. My mom comes home at 7 pm so I just tell her I ate dinner already. She doesn't even realize, but I don't blame her. I barley see Grey at school, or maybe I'm just not looking. I'm not answering the group chats FaceTime calls because I'm to tired to talk. I'm to tired to feel. Feel how heartbroken I really am. I never thought I could live a life without Grey in it, and I'm right. I wouldn't call what I'm living right now life." - Gabriella

                                        •••
I was late for school. I had to run from the parking lot all the way to my class.

When I got into class I had to stop for a second. I'm dizzy, I try to play it off and take my seat.

The whole class period I felt eyes on me. Not everyone eyes. Just one in particular. I really don't want it to be who I think it was. 

While doing the work in class, someone comes and sits next to me. I turn my head to see who it was but immediately look back down. It was Grey. What does he want.

"Gabriella I need to talk to you, please" Grey pleads.

"Their is nothing to talk about" I say coldly, holding back my tears.

"Please Bella, after school, at my parking spot. I just want to say something." he says

"Ok" I say as the bell rings. Thank you bell.

I hurry out of the class before Grey wants to talk more.

Greys pov

For these past 3 weeks. I've seen her play around with her food at lunch and throw it away, untouched. I've seen her get thinner and thinner. I couldn't take it anymore.

I couldn't see the person I love relapse. She didn't deserve it. I've never pitied her. I loved her. When she was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, I tried to help her as much a I can. I couldn't believe someone as perfect as her could see herself with such hate.

I wish she saw herself the way I saw her. She is perfect. Everything about her. She doesn't have one flaw. She's absolutely flawless.

___

I waited at my parking spot. Taping my foot anxiously. I needed to see her. I look up when I heard footsteps. She's here.

She's thinner, looks sicker, paler, her red lips were now blue and dry. I ruined her.

"Talk." She said looking at the ground.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you."

"Wow now I can sleep at night." She says clearly annoyed.

"Grey just leave me alone. We both know that you don't care about me so stop acting like you do. I don't need your pity or guilt. I'm doing just fine without you." She's says tears forming in her eyes.

"Just get out of my li-" she tries to say.

She leans towards the car, trying to hold herself up. I try and help her but she stops me."I don't need your help." she says.

"You need to go to the hospital Bella, look at you." I say.

"Stop trying to be the hero all the time, it's exhausting." She says before collapsing to the ground.