Never Leave Me

10 : Cigarettes

Gerard's POV

Frank won't look me in the eyes.

It's been nearly a full twenty four hours since I got upset with him and he still won't look at me. It was a bit difficult for me to look at him as well, to see the damage I've done. It was almost like a punishment for myself, to have to see the bruises blooming across his beautiful face as a sick reminder of my wrong doing.

I didn't really expect him to hug me back when I had grabbed him last night, I didn't expect him to let me hug him. But he had. Maybe he needed it as much as I did, either way I felt my stomach flip when he's arms wound around me. Such a sweet moment. I just hope he meant it, that he doesn't hate me. I can't live with myself if he hates me. I just can't.

Last night I had walked him down stairs and he said nothing to me as he climbed up on the mattress. Not wanting to upset him, I wordlessly restrained his ankle and stood back up to leave him.

"G-Gerard?" He called out in a weak voice. I smiled to myself and turned to face him.

"Yes?"

"I'm... I'm cold." He pulled the blanket around him and shivered.

I frowned. I knew I should have grabbed another blanket for him on the first night. I really don't want him to catch a cold, on top of already being in pain. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." I tried to sound as calming as possible, hoping my use of pet names would help as well. "Let me get you another blanket."

He nodded as I headed up the stairs. I found a thick blanket in my closet and brought it back down to him, gently laying it over his shoulders as he shivered a bit.

"Do you need anything else?" I crouched down next to him. I wanted to tell him I would happily stay down here and hold him, warm him up a bit until he fell asleep. But I bit my tongue, knowing that's not what he wanted.

He shook his head. "No... thank you." He looked up at me with big innocent eyes that made my heart climb to my throat.

I smiled a little. "Are you going to be okay?"

He nodded.

"Call for me when you wake up, okay?" I reached out and cupped his face in my hand. He shivered again but didn't pull away this time. Progress.

"Okay." He whispered.

"Goodnight, Frankie." I stood up, reluctantly dropping my hand from his cheek. "I love you so much." I can't seem to stop saying it. I don't expect him to say it back, not now at least. But it was still nice to say to him. I need him to know that it's true, that I do love him.

"Night." I watched him curl up, making himself as small as he could, I could've sworn I saw him blush but I think my imagination was getting the best of me. I smiled to myself and turned on my heels to go get myself ready for bed. I stole one last glance at him to see his eyes were already closed.

I had showered and readied myself for bed, wanting desperately to go check on him, but I refrained. I needed to give him some alone time, some peace and quiet to sleep. I would feel terrible if I woke him up.

I had woken up at eight this morning. Checking on Frank, I found he was still fast sleep. His hair sticking up, his lips parted against the pillow. I chuckled softly and went back upstairs to find something to eat. It was particularly cold down there and I was only wearing sweatpants and a thin shirt, I didn't want to spend too long standing around.

After eating I walked over to the couch and sat down clicking the tv on. I kept the volume low in case Frank woke up and needed me to come get him. I flicked my gaze down to my knuckles that were still a little pink from the damage I caused to his pretty face. I frowned to myself, I'm not sure what inside me had snapped, but it was almost as if I had blacked out and when I regained consciousness he was beaten and bloodied. Although I remember vividly doing it, I don't recall having any control over myself. My frown deepened as I pictured the fear in his eyes. I need to make this up to him somehow, I need to fix things with him, show him that I do love him.