Trusting Happiness

15 - No "but".

The car ride was silent, though Carina checked on me every other minute. "What is it?", I finally asked, sounding more annoyed than I had planned on after she had looked over again. "Nothing.", she said, looking straight ahead again. I faced the other way and looked out my window. I hated how vulnerable I was with them, especially Carina. It only set me up for getting hurt. "How was school today? Everything is fine?", she finally asked. "Yeah." She nodded.  When we got back I hurried into the bedroom immediately and closed the door behind me, I had to make sense of what all of this was. Something was brewing within me, one moment I was almost numb, the other I broke down crying and the next I was full of anger. Last week every single day was just numb, I only thought about what I would eat next, where I would go. But here things were different. There were people that cared and knew more about me than I would have liked. And then there was the fire. I didn't tell them when they asked this morning but I didn't sleep well tonight either, I smelled and felt the fire again, saw myself trapped down there and the flames in front of me crawling down the stairs towards me. I shook the thoughts off. I couldn't do this now, I should just concentrate on school. I sat on the bed and got my backpack. I didn't have much, just a notebook and the handouts that we had gotten from teachers. I was always trying to spend the money I made on the books we needed, but those were expensive, luckily the library had the standard ones, but the literature books were sometimes not available. I was able to bring the maths textbook home today so I got it and my notebook out, layed on my stomach and started on homework. A knock on the door disturbed me mid through. "Yeah", I called out and Carina peaked in. She had changed from her brown blazer and blouse into a simple tshirt and some leggings but still managed to look so put together. "Oh you're doing.. homework?", she asked. "Uh yeah, I've got some due tomorrow." "You can use the kitchen table, you don't need to do it here, it's bad for your back bambina.", she lectured me. "I want to do it here.". "Oh.. okay. I was just wanting to check in, Maya is back in half an hour, I thought maybe you wanted to talk a bit before.. if you felt more comfortable.", she explained and I furrowed my eyebrows. "There's nothing to talk about." "Bambina." "No, what? I told you, I'm fine, I have homework to do." I looked back down on my textbook waiting for her to leave, which she did after a minute of just standing there. This woman,  I swear how did she see right through me when she only knew me for two days? After I had finished maths I started on social studies which was also when I heard the apartment door opening up again meaning that Maya was back. I could make out their muffled voices and just knew they were talking about me, which bugged me. I was almost at the point where I would press my ear up against the door when I heard steps and concentrated back on my homework. I expected this knock, though it wasn't Maya liike I had expected, but Carina again. "Are you coming for dinner?". I nodded and she disappeared again. I got up and didn't hurry to get to the kitchen. Another awkward meal time, especially after today's events. Maya was already sitting at the table wearing a sweatshirt and jeans while Carina just put the salad down in the middle of the table. "Hi.", I mumbled as I took a seat at the spot that somehow had gotten 'my' spot. "Hi.", Maya echoed what I said and smiled. Again there was pasta on the table, Spaghetti this time. And again I waited for both of them to get something before digging in myself. "Carina said you were doing homework, do you guys get much to do at home?", Maya started a conversation. "Yeah, I mean it's okay for me but it's kind of a lot. Just glad I saved my backpack, else I'd have to do a whole lot more right now." "Oh right, I didn't even think of that!". I nodded and kept on eating. "What are you working on right now? Got much to finish up tonight?" "Social studies, but I'm almost done with that and then that's all for tomorrow, the rest is for later this week." Carina was quiet this whole time. "Oh that's good that you're almost done." I nodded. When we had all finished eating I helped clear the table. It was so silent, I knew this day was weird but something really felt off. Carina had started running water in the sink and Maya was just bringing the trash out, so I stepped next to her. "Carina?", I said quietly and she looked up at me surprised. "Sorry for snapping at you earlier." Her facial expressions softened immediately. "Oh bambina, no problem! I am fine don't you worry." I nodded. "Could you .. or Maya, I don't know, look at my cuts later, they kind of hurt on my arms." She looked attentive now. "SInce when do they hurt? I forgot you had them!" She took her hands out of the sink and dried them right then. "Uh like they already hurt yesterday but I thought it was normal but they are hurting worse today so I thought, I don't know." "Come here.", she directed me to the couch and Maya came in now. "What's going on?" "My cuts just hurt a bit more.", I explained. Her eyes widened immediately. "Oh no we haven't checked them!" "It's fine, it's not that bad, seriously, I just thought I should maybe say something." In the meantime I had rolled up my sleeves and exposed the bandages, you could already see that this didn't look great. "Oh no.", Carina looked up at Maya. "It already looks infected, bella, this is going to hurt when I take it off.", she now addressed me and looked me in the eyes. I nodded. "Thought so." "So you knew something was off?" I shrugged. "I guess." "Oh Izzy, this is something you need to tell us, it could be dangerous." Maya chimned in now. Carefully Carina removed the bandage and though I promised myself to be tough I had to flinch and look away. They both didn't say anything. "Bambina don't panic but I think we might need to go to the hospital, get you on antibiotics and test your blood.", Carina spoke calmly now. "No way.", I said sternly, staring at her with widened eyes. "I told you, I am not going back there, no way." "Bambina, this is infected, it could be dangerous." "I don't care." "Haa.", Carina grumbled as though she was thinking. "Can't you ask one of your colleagues to look at it under the radar?" Maya suggested now. "I will try but we would have to go there one way or another bambina.", she said strictly. "I don't want to!" "I don't care Izzy, I am not letting this go untreated!", Carina went on. "I am making a call."; she got up and left the room, leaving me alone with Maya.

I exhaled annoyed and looked away from her. "It'll be fine,'' she said. "Yeah you can easily say that now, wait until CPS turns up.", I knew I sounded bitter. "Izzy, they won't. It is probably the wrong timing too but I already signed Carina and myself up for the licence, we need to do a few accredited courses, but the process will be rather quick because of our jobs." I stared at her, I knew I did. I didn't actually expect them to go through this quickly with what they offered. "Everything okay?" "Uh yeah, I just didn't expect you to move so fast." "Well we know this is hard for you, I mean look at you now, it will be all a lot easier once you are here legally." "I guess." "Okay Dr Wilson is at the hospital right now, she will meet us in the ER no questions asked." "But.." "No, no ‚but', enough, we are going now.", this side of Carina was new to me and I didn't dare to argue so I nodded, got up, put my shoes on and followed the two of them to the car.