Keep Breathing ♢ James Potter

28 | Entry 18 - Can't Be Saved

October 4, 1977

This past month has been a complete and utter hell. I have eyes constantly on me and my brother, the both of us being forced to hang out with the other Death Eaters at the school. We wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong impression about our loyalties. At least, that's what my mother is constantly reminding me about in every letter she writes.

I was able to avoid James for a whole month, but I am not sure how long it is going to last. He was persistent with trying to talk to me about this summer. He tries to talk to me in the hallways, in class, he even dragged me to an empty classroom where he tried interrogating me about why I wasn't speaking with him.

Bloody hell the man will not let it go. If anyone suspects anything, we would be as good as dead. I can not give anyone any reasons to question my loyalty to the Dark Lord.

A.B.

-

Harry followed along Astrid's side throughout the day as she went to her classes. By the end of the day, his father had already tried 4 times to confront her about the summer. He could admit, his father was being bloody persistent, even worse than imagined.

Every time he tried to talk to Astrid, it was always the same thing.

"Astrid, why are you avoiding me?"

"Why didn't you reply to my letters?"

"What happened this summer?"

"Did something happen to you?"

The boy was visibly worried for the girl, which he made quite noticeable. Constantly fidgeting in class, stealing glances at the girl, trying to make eye contact with her. After what happened the last time Astrid had returned from her house, James was not a big fan of having her return to that horrid place. The fact that she was refusing to even look at him made his heart want to drop.

With each encounter, Harry can see how frustrated Astrid was getting. It was already noticeable the girl wasn't getting any sleep, and it wasn't helping that she was constantly under the eyes of the other Slytherins. It was a miracle that James has even been able to talk to Astrid without drawing too much attention from the Slytherins.

The only time he had been caught was by Nott in the train, and by Regulus once in the hallway. But James and Astrid both knew that Regulus wouldn't dare tell a soul. Above all else, the siblings' loyalties were towards each other. But they would never admit that out loud, too afraid that someone would hear and tell the Dark Lord.

It was dinner time, and Astrid was heading her way to the Great Hall. She had stayed back after her Defense Against the Dark Arts class to talk more with the Professor about some questions she had about the NEWT exam.

Just as expected, Professor Dankworth only lasted the year before having to leave the position due to some unknown family emergency out of the country. Hogwarts had found another Professor to fill the spot for the year, but Astrid wouldn't be surprised if the spot was found vacant again by the end of the school year.

As Astrid walked down a hallway on the 7th floor, her head seemed to be elsewhere. Her eyes were dazed as thoughts of the summer rushed through her head, not even noticing the light footsteps behind her.

Suddenly, Astrid found herself being tugged by the arm before being pulled into a door to her right, one that she didn't notice beforehand. She stumbled into the room, yanking her arm from its captor, grabbing her wand before pointing at the person's neck.

"Blimey, Astrid! Put the wand down, why don't you. You're going to poke someone's bloody eye out."

Automatically at hearing the man's voice, Astrid rolled her eyes but didn't lower her wand. She looked around her surroundings before realizing the boy had dragged her into the Room of Requirement, where they met every week for the past year.

"Grab me again like that Potter, and you are going to lose an eyeball."

James rolled his eyes before lowering the girl's wand that was still pointing at him. "Well, what am I supposed to do if you are dodging me like I've conjured dragon pox."

Astrid shifted her weight onto one foot, raising her eyebrow. "Well, you'd think that after a month of me not talking to you, that you would take a hint."

James rolled his head back in frustration for a second before looking at the girl. "Astrid, what happened-"

"I swear to Merlin, Potter, if you ask me again I'm going to hex your mouth shut."

"Why the bloody hell won't you talk to me?!" Harry watched as his father became more aggravated and stressed. "Look I know how your family is okay, we've been through this before. I know something happened this summer, why the hell did you send me that letter saying, 'We couldn't be friends anymore?' Have you gone mental? You can't just end our friendship like that and expect me not to question it."

James continued. "And why on earth are you hanging around those Slytherins? You never hung out with them before, and now you are never out of their sight. They aren't good people, Astrid, we both know this."

"Listen to me," James begged as he grabbed both sides of her face softly. "There are rumors going around that their Death Eaters. You are going to get hurt if you keep hanging around them. Even Sirius is getting antsy about you and Regulus-"

Astrid pushed James's hands away from her face, running her hands through her hair. "Merlin, why do you Gryffindors got to be so nosy all the time. Why can't you both just mind your business and go plan a prank or something? Stay out of it, Potter."

James became more visibly more frustrated as he tried to make her understand. "Why do you Slytherin's always have an issue with trusting people. I'm not Potter to you anymore Astrid, I'm James. The same James that met you here every week during 6th year. The same James that comforted you when you broke down about your courtship with Lestrange. The same James that offered you an escape from that miserable place you call home. Blimey Astrid, I'm reaching out to you. Why can't you just let me help you?"

"You don't listen do you" snapped Astrid, getting tired of the boy's pleas. "I am not just some damsel that needs saving, alright. Don't confuse me with those bloody Gryffindors you hang with. I am not weak, I am not broken, and I sure as hell don't need your help."

Astrid went to storm out of the room, but James was not ready to give up that easily. That's the thing about Gryffindors, they never know when to give up.

James grabbed onto her mid-arm, pulling her back. In the process, the girl's sleeve had risen, revealing the black ink that stained her arm.

Harry noticed it first out of the three. He had his suspicions after the memory of Astrid in her home during the summer. But this was the first time he had gotten a clear view of it, the dark ink sketched perfectly on the girl's pale skin. What was also noticeable was the red, sensitive skin around the mark. Almost as if the surface was rubbed so hard to try and remove it.

James noticed second once Astrid had ripped her arm away from him. His face paled within a second, once he realized that it wasn't a normal tattoo that inked her skin. This tattoo symbolized a fate worse than death, and for James, it felt that all hope was lost at that moment.

Watching as James's face turned to pure and utter shock, Astrid turned down noticed the revealed mark. She yanked down her sleeve, afraid of what this meant. Her eyes that originally filled with anger were quickly filled with fear and shame.

Harry watched as the young Gryffindor struggled to form words. It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself that it was just a nightmare. That he would wake up and that everything will be okay, that Astrid will be safe, her arm no longer tainted with dark magic.

"Astrid, I-"

"I told you, James." Astrid quickly interrupted him, knowing it was best to leave what he wanted to say unsaid. "I can't be saved."

The Gryffindor watched as the girl hurried out of the room, her footsteps echoing in his mind. The boy dropped to his knees, covering his head in his hands, trying to rid himself of this nightmare that is slowly becoming his reality.