Keep Breathing ♢ James Potter

26 | Entry 16 - Worse than I Imagined

June 26, 1977

Dear Diary,

I would give my life to be able to go back to Hogwarts., go back to my home. I am not sure if I will be going back for this new school year, and if I do, it will not be the same.

Exams came and passed quickly, and before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to my friends on Platform 9 and 3/4s. I knew there was this strange tension when Regulus and I found my parents at the Platform, but I did not expect it to lead to this.

Sirius was right. I am just like our parents. I fear that I am even becoming worse than I imagined.

A.B.

-

The first scene was at the Great Hall in Hogwarts. The desks were lined up as students were taking their Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. Harry watched not only Astrid and his father, but the other Marauders and his mother, Lily.

He noticed the ease and blank expression on Astrid's face as she finished the exam. Astrid's posture was straight, never slouching, something that Harry could assume was drilled into her from her Pureblood family. James finished shortly after Astrid, snickering as he turned over his test and leaned back in his chair, proudly. Unlike Astrid, James was more lay back, propping his feet onto the desk in front of him, grinning proudly as he looked at his friends seating next to him.

Remus was patiently finishing his test, not rushing as he answered each question. Sirius also finished the exam confidently, but not before signing off with hearts and "much love" at the bottom of his exam as an attempt to annoy the professor. Peter had fallen asleep halfway through the test, so he was rushing to finish the exam before the Professor called time. Lily was calm, relaxing in her seat as she had finished way before the rest of the group. She truly was the brightest witch of her age.

As the written portion of the exam finished, Harry was able to watch as they began their practical exam. They each had their own technique for their spells.

Astrid's spells were sharp and powerful, more powerful than the rest of the students.

James's shot spells firmly, as he slowly became comfortable and confident with his skills.

Remus shot spells out swiftly and easily. His movements seem to flow without a second thought.

Sirius's spells were powerful, like Astrid, but also a bit reckless.

Peter's spells were surprisingly heavy, despite being a bit sluggish while casting them.

Lily was accurate and perfected in every sense of the word, looking exactly how the textbook described.

After the exam had ended, Harry watched as the Marauders gathered quickly before heading out of the Great Hall together, conversing about how the exam went. Harry watched as James slightly turned his head while leaving the hall. James's eye traveled until they met with Astrid, who had gone to her friends, Kai and Ember.

The two smiled at each other softly from across the hall. They nodded their heads in understanding before separating back into their worlds.

-

The scene gradually faded out as the memory changed. Harry then found himself in the Hogwarts Express, watching as students gathered their stuff as the train arrived at the Platform.

Astrid was walking down the trolley, scanning the compartments for her friends. But before she could continue, she was yanked swiftly by the arm and dragged into a compartment. Harry followed after, before snickering at who had grabbed Astrid.

"Potter! I swear on Merlin I am going to hex you one of these days," said Astrid as she started to get the boy across the head with a book.

"Ow, ow, ow! Ok sheesh I'm sorry. This was the only way to talk with you before you headed out of the Platform." explained James as he rubbed the spot of his head that Astrid had hit with a book. "Blood hell women, you are aggressive."

Astrid rolled her eyes at the boy "Never mind that, what did you want to talk about? I need to find my brother before we arrive."

"I, uh, just wanted to bye and that if stuff gets tough at home again, you know you can always reach out to me," James whispered it softly, scratching the back of his head. James didn't want to come off as overbearing, but he did want the girl to know that he was there if she ever needed anything.

Astrid smiled at the boy softly, touched by his actions once again. "Thank you, James, but I'm sure I'll be fine."

She kissed the boy's cheek softly, before stepping out of the compartment again. "Bye Potter, I hope you enjoy your summer."

Instead of following the raven-haired girl down the train, Harry stayed back to watch his father who was grinning slightly at the place where Astrid had just been. James rubbed his cheek softly, before heading down the opposite side of the train in search of his friends.

-

The memory once again faded out, as the scenery changed into Astrid's room in Grimmauld Place. Harry noticed that the room seemed dark and even messier than expected. There was a broken mirror across the room, along with some items that seemed to be thrown around.

He found Astrid sitting on her bed, staring at the blank wall before her. Her hair was wild, being thrown into a messy bun with parts sticking out. She had dark circles and rosy cheeks, stained with tears. Astrid looked as if she hadn't slept in ages, which Harry was certain about as he watched the girl constantly rub her eye.

An owl flew into the room, dropping a letter onto her lap. The girl rubbed her face before picking up the letter and opening it. Harry leaned over her shoulder to read as well.

~

Hello Astrid,

I have sent several letters throughout the summer and have yet to hear back from you. I know we didn't agree to write to each other during the summer, but I honestly miss you. Your lack of response is making me worry. Is everything alright at home? Remember, you can always come to the Potter Manor if you need an escape.

Please let me know if you're alright,

J.P.

~

Astrid rubbed her hands, as she processed the letter. She moved onto her table and began to write a short, simple note for the boy.

~

I think it will be best for the both of us if we didn't speak anymore.

A.B.

~

As the memory began to fade out as Astrid gave the letter to the owl, Harry's heart dropped. There was something different with Astrid. It wasn't her demeanor or her exhausted state. It had to do with the stain of black ink that was peeking out from under her sleeve.