Incomplete love

Eyes

'Why-why do you want to marry me?' his eyes slowly met mine, immense pain in them. But my gaze strained on the frown forming on his forehead. 

'Seokjin-ah, it's alright..' he sighed again, gulped hard 'we can talk about it later after you forgive me-'

'I already did.' what does he mean? does he still not know? Has he always been this thickheaded? ' Tae, I already have! I let everything go the day I saw you here! Or when I kissed you back..' every inch of his face froze in disbelief. I leaned in to place a kiss on his forehead. what was this idiot thinking all these days?  I don't know what I wanted to do, but his stupor scared me. 'Baby, there was nothing to forgive. I know you didn't mean any of it. It did hurt, but my love for you never faltered. Not that day, definitely not today' The action caused discomfort under my diaphragm. I bit into the whimper threatening to escape. Hoping to not ruin the moment. But Taehyung caught it. He was out of his trance within a heartbeat. A hope, a glimmer of peace swirled in his irises as he helped me lean back into the pillows. After catching my breath, I watched his face relax as he sat down next to me.  'Now, will you tell me? Why- why-?' his palms curved perfectly around my cheeks. He leaned in, such that his torso hovered over mine. This was a dangerous move. But, there it was. The purity in his smile. The excitement in those beautiful dark eyes.  That scared and thrilled me at the same time.

'Jin-ah, I don't need a reason to marry you. My life is already yours. I am already yours. I just want to share every waking moment of this life with you.' his lips gently raised the warmth on my cheeks. My eyes shut involuntarily. His signature scent, pinewood, filled up my senses. Shut it Jin! LISTEN to what he is saying, has he gone insane? What life? what married life will you two have?! This has to stop!

'But...' i struggled to peel him off my face, only to meet a confused gaze 'we already do all that, we can stay like this, until-' his palm slapped on my lips.  A flinch coursed across his face, and his eyes remained wide. His strength still amazes me. Half of his body was leaning over me, yet not crushing me. Even without the support of his hands. 

'Don't say it.' he blinked to the present, curt with words  'Jin you always knew I wanted to make us official. And it was not possible in Korea but we did discuss doing this somewhere else, maybe even settling somewhere else, remember?' i couldn't help but nod at the nostalgia of our promises from aeons ago.  'If I could, I would want the whole world to witness our wedding, let them all know.'  

'Tae..' the hope in his eyes hurt. 'We don't need a wedding for that' words barely formed on my tongue. I couldn't look at him anymore. The proximity yet the cautious distance was a reality check. I cannot offer him anything anymore.  My damaged, exhausted body will never be able to meet his desires. The thought sent cold shivers down my spine. My skin prickled. 'we don't need a wedding for this world to know.' It hurt, to simply say it. A year ago, I would have danced and celebrated in joy. My dream would have come true in perfect harmony. Only when the fabric felt wet against my skin, did I realise they were tears from my eyes. Utterly conflicted, these thoughts opened fresh wounds. I just couldn't rationalise why I should intentionally choose to ruin the boy's life. 'The world is cruel, they will criticise you for marrying a broken man'

'Seokjin-ah!' Taehyung recoiled. Away from me. This was his first instinct, whenever he was in pain. 'Never say that again, Jin!Never!' he hissed. I missed his warmth already. But his denial gave me false hope. To be crushed and killed by my thoughts. 'You are not broken!' to my dismay, he leaned in again. The warmth of his determined hands coursed through my willpower. Shattering it. My eyes though were stubborn. He thumbed at the fresh tears on my cheeks. 'Look at me, baby' and they obeyed. Opening meets the ones with raw pain in them, glistening with tears. A deep frown crumbled his perfect forehead. 'You are not broken, baby. You are perfect. One day soon, you dance, run, and play! We will do it together. I don't care for the world, my darling, neither for the number of days' his voice cracked and thin lips pulled in a sad smile. 'Jin-ah, for me, this day to the end of my days, they are all yours.' my core twisted in need. I wanted to be part of the life I could see in his eyes. 'You are my life, Jin. Whether you say yes or not.' his forehead leaned in to meet mine.