There Is More Light Than Dark

Chapter Thirty Six

Friday July 29

I feel heavy, like the sleep I am waking from has gone on for a long time.

As I stir and dare to open my eyes to the brilliant Italian sun that streams into the room I realise it is not my bed I am in. And it is not Valentina's.

I hear clattering from the kitchen but that is in a different direction than it has been; this room is on the other side of the house.

And then I have clumps of memory returning from last night, clouded like I have to push to recall things even though deep down I know I don't really want to. I do remember Valentina pouring me more wine and Carlotta coming and sitting near me as Val went to settle Lola in bed.

And I remember a stubborn feeling of wanting something I shouldn't have but being talked around.

But I lie here and just enjoy what time, luck and persistence has given to me.

I recall my sweet Mumma's voice whispering to me from her hospital bed, slowly through her thick mouth, of her family in Italy. Of how they had not spoken for many years, of things that had happened that meant she never could, but how I might one day make things right with them. For her.

I recall how that scene she would always give me with her singing would make me feel.

And so I am happy to lie back and bask in whichever part of Italy she wanted to throw at me.

Just as I had hoped, it is all feeling too easy and too gentle, like time is giving me a breath before the next chapter of what has ailed me for a long time might return.

And I rise and walk into the kitchen where Carlotta comes close and hands me a coffee and I sit at the table as Valentina and Lola come through and if I could truly pause time then this would be where I would choose to do it.