There Is More Light Than Dark

Chapter Three

I remembered how good a time we'd had all together at the party that night. One of those nights where every single thing that happens seems to be the best you can remember. Avery and I had drunk a bit, we'd had a couple of spliffs and we'd started to fool around a bit in one of the bedrooms at the house where the party was. Before we got really into it though she'd stopped and suggested we wait until we got to the place we were staying. I remember being disappointed but agreed with her.

It couldn't have been more than thirty minutes after we'd made that decision that I was standing in the cold, damp autumn air not far from Barwon Heads with Avery shivering and crying beside me as I was deciding how to do it all.

It was dark, there was no moon. The road could have someone drive along at any moment but in the two minutes we'd stood on the road and looked at the body none had come by. We had the best part of a kilometre in either direction that would give us warning, but less than a minute to do it all if one showed itself now.

Right now, I can't recall who suggested it but I do remember we both quickly agreed to move it off the road. Avery offered to go and move the car up a driveway nearby, to get it out of sight if someone should come past. I don't know exactly why she thought to do that, but it was always going to be me who had to drag the body out of the way in any case.

I remember being shocked at just how heavy and limp it was. The unnatural rattling and grinding of bones from somewhere under his pants which were ripped and stained already with blood. It was all wet and dark and smelt like shit and metal. But the grinding, Jesus that was like nails on a blackboard – I could feel it through my hands which grabbed hard at the jacket he was wearing so I didn't have to reach down and grab a different spot. There was a heavy wheeze and more of a smell as I lay him deep in the ditch. Avery came back at a jog.

A few hours later we both walked out of the silent and beautiful Otway ranges, tired and panting. It wasn't the kind of togetherness we'd anticipated on leaving the party, but it certainly brought a bond that we wouldn't shake. Well, only at the very end when we both saw a different way to deal with it.

I'm not proud of anything we did or talked about that night.

I'm not here to say we should have done it.

But at the time, you've got to understand it felt like the only choice we had to keep our own lives safe and secure. What was done was done, we weren't going to change that or bring this bloke back. And I loved her.

The next time Avery and I had sex was a few days later and she cried after it like I'd never heard anyone cry before.

But whatever we had before was going to be changed. That sounds obvious but just how much it changed for me and for her, and definitely for us, even I didn't see coming. And whether it was the act, the choice or the way each of us processed it hardly matters. But we agreed at the time and we both looked each other square in the eye and swore it would never be known to anyone but us.

And I was OK with that.