𝕊𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕠𝕝 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕔𝕖𝕤𝕤 ✎🌻

Dealing with friendship drama

•CONFRONTING A FRIEND

If you’re invested in your friendship, start by trying to work the issue out together. “Confrontation” is often interpreted as being aggressive or as calling someone out, but in reality, confronting an issue is all about addressing head-on, in a direct, mature, and respectful way. Here are some things to keep in mind.

Do:
Stay calm. It’s stressful to talk to a friend about something they did that impacted you, and you’ll both probably be feeling a lot -- embarrassment, hurt, anger, etc. Don’t let those emotions overpower what you’re trying to do (which is to come to a solution together).
Focus on the current situation. Keep the conversation on one specific behavior or pattern of behavior. If you’re talking to them about the snarky comment they made last week, don’t bring up unrelated drama from last year.
Speak from your perspective. “I” statements will keep the conversation grounded in what you’ve been experiencing and feeling, while “you” statements may just upset your friend. In other words, rattling off the things they did with no context on their impact on you might feel like an unnecessary attack to them. For example, this is the difference between, “I felt embarrassed when when you said that to me in the cafeteria,” vs. “You’re always mean to me in public.”

•Listen to them. Give them the same courtesy you’d want from them, and try to see the situation from their point of view. You may just come out with a better understanding of why they behaved the way they did.

Don’t:

•Blindly react. When your friend does something to upset you, your first instinct may be to lash out or try to respond immediately. Your conversation won’t be productive if you’re still fuming, so take a few breaths, hours, or even days to really process what happened and how you feel.

•Pull others into it. The last thing you and your friend need is to put your situation on blast, either through social media or word of mouth. It’s between the two of you added parties will add fuel to the fire

•Make accusations. All that you know is what you experienced. If your friend bailed on your plans last minute, you’re allowed to feel upset about it, but you can’t jump to conclusions about why they did it. This conversation will help you get clarity if you just ask rather than make assumptions.

•Try to “win” the argument. The goal is to gain some understanding and find a solution to the issue NOT to be “right.”

STEPPING BACK FROM A FRIENDSHIP

Do:
Set clear boundaries.

Keep it polite.

Take care of yourself.

Don’t:
Expect too much from them. Communicating your needs to your friend is really crucial, but you can’t ask for more than what they can give. It’s not reasonable to expect them to change their class schedule or drop your shared club to avoid seeing you.

Feel guilty for wanting space. No one is entitled to your time or attention, including your friends.

Send mixed messages. If this is a choice you want to make, stick with it. For example, it’ll get really confusing if you tell them you want no contact, and then keep tagging them in memes all week. Be clear and consistent from the start.

Modiri ❣️