Insomniacs (#1)

15. calamity

Luca.

I was too distracted. My fist pounded into the punching bag harder and harder but my stance was a little off, the speed of my punches too rushed and uneven.

Its been getting harder to exercise lately. I knew it would.

Predominantly though, she was my distraction. So not much has changed since I fucked up my knuckles. We didn't even drive anywhere, just sat outside of her house but it was the most I've felt in a while.

I became accustomed to not really feeling. Living felt like a chore, every day another 24 hours of pretending. Pretending I wasn't fucking drowning but with her, I felt like a person.

I felt capable of making someone smile. I felt capable of smiling. I felt warm and okay and alive and it fucking scared me.

I could sit in a car with her for hours. Even if just in silence as long as I get to look at her. The way she fidgeted with her fingers, the wrinkling of her nose every time she smiled, the way she'd turn to smile at me with her head tilted back on the seat. Ink black hair, hazel green and amber eyes that were sharp and fox-like.

I could simply stare and not get bored.

I'm so fucking screwed.

I've fucked more girls than I've kept count of, had as many flings as fucking possible just so I'd get sex in the end. I never once cared when they'd fallen for me and it was easy not to; it just felt like part of my nature.

With Aria though, I instinctively did everything I told myself I wouldn't do with girls. I became myself. I didn't have to try to, it just happened.

And that, yeah, it scared me.

And god, she drove me up the walls too. I'd practically accepted the fact that I couldn't seem to stop her from having the effect on me like she does. I didn't want to fight it, I just wanted to feel it.

And I knew she did too but she was much more of a fighter than I seemed to be. I knew she wanted it; when she'd melt into my touch, when she kissed my neck like she did last night.

Fuck, when she kissed my neck. The bag swings harder. My punches were getting more violent at the thought of her, in an attempt to not let blood rush to my cock.

She's guarded, defensive, built up a wall that I thought to be impenetrable. But all I wanted to do was break it down, have her to myself in the ways that meant she was only mine.

Jesus, what is happening to me? This is the second time I'm assaulting the bag because of her.

I bit the straps of my boxing gloves, tearing them off with my teeth and tossing them onto the ground. I crashed onto the ground, chest searing with sharp pains from overexerting myself.

I ran my hands through my hair, looking up to meet my eyes in the floor to ceiling mirrors that spanned out along the entire back wall of the gym.

I winced at how sweaty and gross I looked, hopping up on my feet before turning off the light and shutting the door behind me. I jogged up the two sets of stairs that led to the kitchen, catching sight of them around the table.

Amelia sat besides Micah, who sat at the head of the dining table. Miguel sat as far away from them as possible, picking at the omelette with his fork. They all looked up to me when I walked in, stalking over to Miguel and stealing his piece of toast.

"Hey- dipshit, what the fuck!" He swatted my arm, reaching up to grab it back. I held it between my teeth tauntingly, winking down at him.

"Hey, Luca." Amelia sat up straighter with a smile, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear. She's always been cautious around me, shy.