Superhero Life

• What Now?

The saddest thing about grief is when you don't have any tears left and all you feel is numbness.
Losing that person feels like the world ended, or at least stopped spinning. Like time has frozen.

After a while the sadness will feel like a warm cozy blanket and it feels like torture and blessing at the same time when you have a person who wants to take it away from you.
In my case it's Nat.

『Two weeks ago』

My door is thrown open with such force that it hits the wall.
"Are you okay? What happened?"
Natasha studies me, desperation written all over her face.
"Talk to me. Was it another nightmare?"

Ever since Bucky turned to dust along with half of everyone else in this universe, I've been getting nightmares. Maybe it's also the poison coursing through my veins again that's causing these dreams.
'Cause even though I have it under control it keeps me on edge.

"Just a nightmare," I tell her and roll over so I don't have to witness the pity on her face.
The way she looks at me haunts me.
We need each other more than ever but it hurts me even more knowing that in the state I'm in right now I can't be there for her.

Just when I think she has quietly made her way out of my room I feel the mattress dip and her warm body snuggle against mine.
"You don't have to do this."

She kisses my exposed shoulder and as her hot breath fans across my throat, I lose a shuddering breath.
"Try to sleep a little more, I'm with you."

The lump in my throat is about to dissolve into another wave of choking sobs and tears.
"I love you, Nat," I say, my voice husky and raw.
"I love you too, Lillith."

『』

Everyone present turns to stare at me as I move to the table where an open bottle of whiskey seems to be already waiting for me.
"What has been going on? Do we have some kind of plan?" I huff, downing the glass I poured myself before filling it a second time.

"Maybe you should slow down Lillith, you haven't been eating lately."
I'm about to tell Steve to fuck off when the ground beneath my feet begins to shake.

Despite my brain telling me to run I freeze. Is it another attack?
My power is ready to strike out.
Even without the voice in my head, it's ready to protect me.

The others are on their feet but it's Pepper who is running before they can. "Tony!" She exclaims.

One moment the glass is complete in my hand, next shards pierce the tender flesh of my palm.
The pain doesn't face me, what does is the sudden surge of joy.
Bucky is dead but Tony is alive.
Nat, Steve, Bruce, and Thor are alive.
I'm happy that they're here and that feels so damn wrong because the love of my life is not here with me to experience the same joy.
Loki is not here.
Wanda is not here.
T'Challa is not here.
Sam is not here.

"Lillith?" Steve's hand gently rests on my forearm. "You're bleeding."
I turn to him, swallowing down the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry."
Opening my fist the shards that have not lodged into my hand fall to the floor.

When Tony enters and our eyes lock I ignore the burning pain and pull him in for a hug.
"You look like shit." He chuckles, the obvious weakness in his voice shattering my heart more.

"I thought you were gone too."
Relieve floods me so bad I can't hide a smile but it doesn't last long when Tony gets pulled out of my hug to take a seat.

After Bruce hooks Tony up to an IV bag he begins to pull the glass out of my hand.

"What do we do now?"
The tall, blonde woman who, according to her, helped bring Tony's spaceship back to Earth sits down at the table across from me. She has something powerful about her or maybe it's the longing for revenge that makes her seem that way.

"We will kill Thanos."
Thor decides for all of us, swinging his Ax like he's cutting off someone's head.

I shrink back in my chair.
Just the thought of it makes my body tremble not only with fear but also with excitement caused by my magics' need for revenge.

"I know where he is." Tells us Nebula, the blue woman that looks partially robotic. She came with Tony and proceeded to tell us that she was Thanos's daughter.
"We'll get the spaceship running properly again and move immediately."

But what will it change?
It won't bring Bucky or half of the universe back to life if we kill him.

"I'm staying here with Tony and Pepper."
"Are you sure?" Before Nat has a chance to convince me otherwise I stand up.
"Killing him won't change our situation."