Superhero Life

• No Sleep

It is one of the first warm nights at the end of May. Bucky is lying next to me, loudly snoring, the heat not bothering him like me.

Heaving myself out of bed I take a look at my phone.

Steve: Are you awake?

I rub my eyes and stifle a yawn.

Me: Why?

He knows exactly how much I hate nights like this one, but I'm still tired and don't feel like having another argument with him.

Steve: Come into the kitchen.

Carefully closing the bedroom door behind me to not wake Bucky I sneak into the kitchen. Steve is sitting at the island on one of the stools, a half-filled glass of whisky in his hand.

"What do you want?"
He looks me up and down and his gaze lingers a bit longer on my bare legs than it should.
He probably had a lot more than just one glass of whiskey tonight.
"I'm overthinking and we still have to talk."

I sit down next to him. "Then talk."
Taking the glass out of his hand I take a swig of the whiskey.

"It's only been two weeks since Peggy died and everything is a lot for me lately. Nonetheless, it wasn't nice of me to act like that."
I take his hand, giving it a good squeeze to assure him I'm not mad anymore.

"Your words hurt me but I don't want everything to be ruined between us because of it." I sigh.
"You're my best friend, Steve, you could have always come to me to talk about it. No matter what happens between us I will always be there to listen to you."

His eyes search mine as he suddenly leans forward He lays his lips on mine, kissing me softly, slowly.
"Steve..." I place my hand on his chest, his heart a steady beat beneath my palm.

"I love Bucky." My fingers go loose, loose enough that when he pulls his hand out of mine, it comes free easily.
"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry Lillith."
He hides his face behind his hands and his body shakes.

"I understand that you are emotional and looking for a distraction but I can't do that without Bucky being with us."
I'll definitely tell Bucky later but I won't make a big deal about it now.
He is emotionally confused and a bit drunk.

"I wish I could forget."
Our eyes meet and I instantly shake my head knowing what he wants.
"Make me forget." He demands.
He officially lost his mind.
Making someone forget doesn't take away the pain. They are losing a big part of their life and I can't imagine what it feels like to have a gap in your memory.

"No!" I hiss. "I'll never do that. That you even- What's going on here?" Bucky stands in the doorway in nothing but his boxers and a frown on his face.
"Nothing darling, let's go back to bed."
I hop out of the chair but before I reach Bucky I turn back to Steve.
"You need to get some sleep, it's late." He doesn't respond anymore.

This time when Bucky and I lay down back in bed I snuggle up to him despite the heat.

"Steve kissed me," I whisper into the darkness of the room hoping he heard what I said.
"I know, I've been standing by the door for a while." Bucky combs through my hair with his fingers, which makes my eyelids droop.

"I'm sorry."
"It's fine, I'm glad you were there to talk to him." Bucky hugs me tighter to whisper in my ear;
"I love you and my best friend unexpectedly kissing you doesn't change that."