WANT (Complete ✔️)

Chapter Forty Five

Blair

I want to cry.

I'm having the worst day ever.

The second shipment order of my materials didn't arrive which meant I had to plead for an extension for my deadline. One model that I had recruited for my runway show had to back out because his hockey game got switched to the night of my runway show—which I'm totally cool with—so now I've got to find a man. Yay. The cafeteria didn't have my favorite bagel so I had to settle for a regular old boring bagel. And whilst making my way back to my fashion class, my arms crammed with sketchbooks and materials and food, some douchebag bumped into me making the coffee spill on my books, and my materials crash to the ground.

Closing my eyes, I hold back from screaming.

Before I can bend down to grab my stuff, someone does it for me.

Someone familiar.

"Need a hand?" Hudson boyishly teases me with a lighthearted chuckle.

I stare into his blue eyes.

It's been two weeks since he fucked up what we had. I'll be honest, the first few days were difficult to get through because I was so stuck on him and what he made me feel and what we lost but then I remembered that before anything, my self-worth matters the most. I matter the most.

So for the past week and a half, I've been focusing on myself, as I should. I come first before anything or anyone. Yes, sometimes at night, I think about him but I'm not sad or angry, just...missing memories of us and there's nothing wrong with that.

Hudson has messaged me, sought me out on campus, tried to talk to me in class but I've maturely handled it. I haven't screamed at him. I haven't punched him—even though I want to because he fucking deserves it. I'm not going to waste my energy on actions that aren't going to get me anywhere.

"No." I nonchalantly say as I grab my stuff out of his hand.

His smile drops.

"Blair—"

"I need to go, I've got class"

Hudson

I fucked up.

Royally fucked up the best thing I ever had.

The best girl I ever had.

And now, I don't know what to do.

Fuck me in the ass with a cactus.

How do I make it right with the girl that has been nothing but good to me?

Fuck, I miss her.

What the fuck possessed me to say another girl's name when I was with her? When I was inside her? I'm so fucking disgusted with myself. I can't even imagine what Blair must've felt when that happened. When I saw the tears in her eyes, my chest bled like it was stabbed with a thousand daggers.

That girl is the most confident girl I've ever met. She cries for no one, let alone a man. It's one of the million things I love about her. But the fact that I was the man that made her cry...someone fucking kill me.

Blair didn't deserve what I did. Fuck, when she ran away all I wanted to do was chase after her and tell her what I feel for her.

And that's why I'm not mad or hurt—ok, I am hurt but only because I miss her—that she's being distant or that my friends are treating me like I've drowned a bunch of kittens. I deserve everything.

I take full responsibility for my actions. And I know I need to make things rights with Blair. Not for my sake but for hers. Because I respect her and it's what she deserves.