One Step Ahead part I | Sirius Black

Chapter 177

"There you are."

Sirius stares at her, his eyes growing wide and his heart rate accelerating dramatically. He feels like his brain is short circuiting, or maybe James had just slipped him another glass of champagne and he couldn't remember it. Or maybe he'd finally gone crazy, driven to the brink of sanity in the absence of the Veela. He had to be drunk, hallucinating. Dreaming. He must be dreaming.

But his dreams were never this good.

Gwen smiles slightly from where she's perched on the edge of the footboard, her head tilting to the side as they stare at each other silently. She'd always been so good at waiting. He hadn't. Sirius sucks in a shuttering breath, whispering uncertainly, "You're here?"

Any other time he'd be embarrassed for asking the question out loud. But he thrived when things were certain, when they were true. He had to be sure that this was true.

The Veela quirks a brow, silence falling between them again as she looks around the room. Her eyes slowly return to Sirius, the corners crinkled with amusement as she says simply, "If here is the Potters...then yes. I suppose I am here."

Sirius stares at her, his heart thumping wildly. He can't think of anything to say, to do. So he doesn't think. He suddenly stirs to life and walks across the room in a few long strides before launching himself at the girl that had been the cause of so many sleepless nights.

She's here. She's okay.

The girl lets out a quiet noise when her back hits the mattress harshly, her arms immediately circling his back and cementing herself to him. Sweet laughter erupts from her, loud and free and so familiar that his heart aches.

She suddenly quiets down, whispering playfully as if he'd been the one making noise, "Quiet, love! I don't want them to know I'm here. I'd like you all to myself—"

She tastes sweet like champagne, Sirius decides when he cuts her words short with a desperate kiss. She's bubbly and bright and golden. She was full of life. Alive. She was alive.

His lips slide against hers, his hands reluctantly leaving her sides to cup her face. He can't resist tasting her, feeling her, punishing her. A quiet sigh sounds from her pretty lips after he bites down on her lower one roughly. A guttural, emotional sound breaks his silence when the kiss grows soft, slow. She kisses him like they have all the time in the world.

Sirius reluctant pulls back, staring down at her as her eyes slowly flutter open. The sun has gifted her with new freckles, a group of constellations he'd yet to familiarize himself with. His head slumps forward, leaning against hers as if he can't bare to remain strong anymore. Her eyes are so soft, so kind and so blue. He'd missed blue.

"Sirius," She whispers, a simple declaration that she was here, he wasn't dreaming. His face crumples into an expression of sadness and relief and something he can't even identify. And then she says so softly that he strains to hear it, "It's okay."

The last shreds of dignity he was fighting to hold onto fly out of the window. His shoulders shake with bated cries, his eyes clenching shut. Tears wet his cheeks and he quickly uses the shoulder of his shirt to wipe them away.

"Mon rêve," Her voice wavers with emotion too, her hands shaking when they move to wipe away the tears that Sirius couldn't hide. His eyes snap open and he quickly grabs her wrist, pulling his hand to his lips so he can kiss each knuckle. He pauses when he spies a red mark around her finger, the finger where she normally wore her ring. He feels a pang of guilt, voice throaty as he says, "I'm so—"

"Don't," Gwen interrupts, voice firm. Sirius pauses, looking down at her uncertainly. His shoulders feel heavier, the weight of the last month significant enough to stutter his breathing. He'd hurt her, burned her without any explanation because he couldn't figure out how to get one to her.

"You were warning me."

Just like that the weight disappears, his eyes widening slightly. He should be surprised that she knew what he was trying to do. She knew everything. Gwen smiles faintly, whispering, "It's okay. I wish I'd understood then. I thought the charm was just messed up, but I should know better. You're far too good at charms."

Sirius cups her shoulder with one shaking hand, the other sneaking around her back to help him shift her into his lap as he sits up. He wishes he could turn on the light. He wants to see her, see more than the dim moonlight has to offer. But it felt wrong, breaking the comfortable blanket of darkness felt wrong. Her legs instinctively wrap around his waist, her own hands resting on his shoulders. He doesn't want to ask. He doesn't want to know. But he has to.

"Did he find you?"

The seconds after his question draw on for what feels like forever. And Gwen visibly hesitates, her lips pressing together in a firm line. Before she might have lied, or omitted the truth. She might have insisted on changing the subject or baiting him with a riddle. But she'd promised to work on her secrets.

"Yes," She replies simply, watching silently as an array of emotions flicker across Sirius' face. He so  badly wants to ask her more, to know what happened. But just as she was working on her secrets, he was working on respecting them.

His voice is strained, painful even as he asks, "Will you tell me more tomorrow?"

Gwen smiles and it's beautiful, a ray of sunshine parting the dark clouds lingering in his mind. For the first time in a month breathing feels normal, living feels normal. His forehead falls forward to rest against hers when she says calmly, "I'll tell you everything, Sirius."

It's so simple. She makes it sound so simple, telling him everything. It means that much more because he knew it was complicated. She had a talent for dealing with chaotic simplicity. Sirius nods slightly, whispering in reply, "I've missed you, Ninnie."

"I missed you too, Snuffles." Her voice is sweet. Her lips are even sweeter. He smiles when she pulls him in closer so that his lips brush against hers, he relishes feeling her smile. The kiss is chaste, soft and gentle and Sirius feels it soothe away the last hints of lingering despair.

He pulls back, looking up at her positioned contently on his lap. He chuckles quietly and mumbles, "James will be furious you missed his engagement party."

Gwen grins, her hands stroking back his hair and tugging playfully as she teases, "Someone once told me I make it very hard to stay angry."

Sirius smiles wryly, shaking his head and replying, "They lied."

Her laughter fills him with warmth and he gently stands up with her in tow, reluctantly setting her down as he says, "Let's go to bed, Ninnie."

He could see the shadows under her eyes, ones created by exhaustion. She nods, eager to sleep with him by her side. She struggled to sleep without him now. He was her dream catcher, her partner.

He doesn't remove his hands from her sides, only to help her slip into a shirt of his to sleep in before quickly returning his palms to her skin. It kept him anchored, feeling her, touching her.

They slowly but surely make their way back to the bed, Sirius yanking back the covers and sliding in after her. He pulls her into his chest, staring at her calmly as her blinks grow longer.

She smiles, her words a happy sigh as she says, "Mon rayon de soleil." {{my sunshine}}

Sirius savors the name, so used to giving them to her rather than receiving them. He hides his smile in the crook of her neck, his heart soaring when she whispers, "Je veux passer ma vie avec toi." {{I want a lifetime with you.}}

"Mon ciel étoilé," He murmurs, pulling her hair free from the tie holding it back and running his fingers through the waterfall of pearlescent strands. He'd missed this. He'd missed her. He can't resist kissing her cheek, his lips brushing her skin as he replies softly,

"Une vie ne suffit pas."
{{A lifetime isn't enough.}}

{my heart can't take it}