One Step Ahead part I | Sirius Black

Chapter 136

{{I didn't edit but oh my god this chapter made my heart smile}}

Sirius follows behind Gwen silently, all too aware of her irritation.

He doesn't ask where she's leading him. He's not even sure that she knows. But then she stops in front of a blank looking wall and lets go of his hand. He goes to say something but she holds up a hand, forcing him back into silence as she paces back and forth three times. Sirius stares in awe at the door that appears.

Gwen doesn't say anything, she just disappears inside. He quickly follows, still disbelieving as he enters the room. He blinks in surprise at the blue couch and arm chairs, finding that it looked oddly like the Ravenclaw common room. He reluctantly was beginning to admit to himself that blue was becoming his favorite color.

Gwen perches on the arm of one of the chairs, saying firmly, "Sit, Please."

Sirius begrudgingly sits on the sofa, his hands itching to hold her, to touch her. He was still full of adrenaline, and her presence only prolonged the elevated heart rate and the endorphins flooding him.

Gwen stares at him blankly, her eyebrow slowly moving to quirk. He shifts nervously and finally barks out, "Quit looking at me like that you bloody Inferi!"

She crosses her arms in front of her chest and replies flatly, "Quit making things worse, you bloody dog."

Sirius scowls and abruptly stands, growling out, "Don't say that to me—"

"Say what? That your brash actions may have consequences?" Gwen asks smartly, her eyes narrowing as he flushes with anger. He clenches his jaw before saying lowly, "I didn't do a damn—"

"You were going to," She interjects. "You were going to go after Carrow."

"So what?!" He cries frustratedly, raking his hands through his hair. "Who fucking cares if I beat up Carrow or Pucey or Snivellous. Ninnie, they—"

She stands too. She hated when they spoke this way, hated having to raise her voice. But she wasn't a child. She was a capable being, a capable witch that had already faced more than she thought she would ever have to. Her voice is cutting as she retorts angrily, "I know exactly what they—"

"NO YOU DONT!" He shouts, startling the both of them. Sirius closes his eyes, tries to take a deep breath in. But when his eyes close, he sees Voldemort. He sees Voldemort saying her name.

His throat suddenly grows tight and he whispers, "You don't know. You didn't see what I saw."

Gwen's eyes widen in horror and she closes the distance between them, grabbing his wrist with her hand. She can't fit her fingers around him all the way. She can't hold him the way she wishes she could, can't comfort him. Not now. Not when he'd seen confirmation that her life was being discussed by people that could snuff her soul out like a flame of a candle

"Sirius," She whispers, brushing her fingers up his arm to rest on his shoulder. She squeezes, asking quietly, "What did you see?"

He keeps his eyes shut, words strained as he murmurs, "Snape's memories. I...I saw too little to do any good. But I saw them—"

His voice gives out. His heart gives out. They knew her name. They knew who she was. And people like Antonin Dolohov were already talking about doing things to her. Terrible thing. He knew just what the wizard was capable of. He didn't want to see what his peers were capable of.

Gwen's heart breaks when he opens his eyes, tears looking like silver against the steel grey. Her mouth runs dry and she doesn't know what to do, what to say. She stands on her toes and pulls him into a hug, her arms like iron. She wouldn't let him go. She would never let him go.

Sirius exhales a shaky sob and hugs her back, banding his arms around her waist and hiding his face in the crook of her shoulder. He felt weak, pathetic. But the emotions that had been building since he'd seen Severus' memories were becoming a disease, one that was rotting him from the inside out.

Gwen holds him tighter, whispering earnestly, "I'm not going to die. Do you hear me?"

Sirius sniffles and presses his face harder to her skin. When he doesn't reply she says it again, gentle but firm, "I'm not going to die, because you won't let me. And I'm returning the favor, Black. No one is dying, no one is getting hurt. Because I'm not finished pissing you off and bothering you with riddles. They aren't taking you from me. Not now, not ever."

She didn't realize how badly she needed to voice the words out loud. It made them real. She refused to die, just as she refused to cower at the fact that there were people that didn't want her to exist. She refused to leave Sirius Black. She refused to let him leave either. The tears slicking her skin are a permanent reminder, the most beautiful tattoo.

She leans back and rests her forehead against his, whispering shakily, "À toi, pour toujours," [Yours forever.]

Sirius breathes in slowly, staring into her eyes. He can see the ocean in those eyes, his ocean. She once said that flying was his beach. She was wrong.

It's her.

His freedom, his refuge, his sanctuary. It's her. Sirius swallows past the lump in his throat and whispers, "J'ai peur de te perdre." [Im scared of losing you.]

Gwen breathes out a quiet laugh, raising his hand to wipe away his tears. He catches her wrist and turns to press a devastatingly sweet kiss to her palm. Her heart aches for this boy. She smiles faintly and replies, "J'ai seulment peur de te perdre." [Im only afraid of losing you.]

Sirius stares at her, wondering how on earth he could love someone this much. He wasn't sure he'd been capable of love, wasn't sure it hadn't been cruciod and beaten out of him. But the love he has for her washes over him like a gentle wave, warm and reassuring. Her lips twitch and she murmurs, "Do you remember when you confessed your undying love for me?"

Sirius can't help the snort that escapes him. Moments ago he'd been crying, grieving the life of safety that they could have maybe had. And here she was, making him laugh.

She grins, voice full of mirth as she insists, "I'm serious!"

"No you aren't,"  Sirius teases, reaching up to stroke the soft skin of her cheek with his thumb. She rolls her eyes playfully as he murmurs, "I'm Sirius."

She huffs out a laugh, shaking her head at him. Her smile grows soft and her pale eyes sparkle with an emotion he can't quite read. She leans into his palm and whispers, "You said, 'Let's be scared together.'"

Sirius pulls her in closer, nodding. He remembered and fuck hearing her say it felt good. His lips hover over hers, brushing her teasingly as he mumbles firmly, "Okay, Gwenyth. Yours forever."

Her smile is brilliant, the tiny gap between her teeth making its appearance as her perfect imperfection, her dimples deepened with mirth and adoration as she stares up at him. Sirius smiles too, an easy and relieved one. They were on the same page now. Scared, and desperate to hold onto one another. If they could just make it through the next few months. If they could just make it through the next few years.

She's right, she's not going anywhere. Not when he hasn't put a pretty ring on her left hand. Not when he hasn't made her his for life. They had time. They had to have time.

Gwen runs her thumb across his crooked smile, whispering, "Now kiss me, Snuffles. As much as I don't condone fighting, you're very sexy when you're angry."

"Okay," Sirius concedes. Gwen stops him just as he leans in, murmuring, "We're gonna have more things to discuss later. Scary things."

Sirius chuckles and nods, muttering, "I'm just going to have to distract you until you forget about them."

"Good luck," Gwen quips, smirking when he grunts at the challenge and finally crashes his mouth to hers.

Scared together.