I've got you

Chapter twenty

 Carmen's pov- 

 " I don't really know how to explain it. I usually get some sort of flashback and then my head will start throbbing and before I know it I'm waking up with a killer headache and no memory of what happened." I explained, my palms sweaty. 

 " What does it feel like when you get these flashback?" she asked.

 " Paralyzing. I feel like I can't breath, like I can't move. It feels like I'm not alive anymore. And it always feels so fucking real, like I'm right back there with him." I told her, trying to keep my tears at bay. I refuse to cry in front of a fucking stranger. 

 " Can you tell me what he did to you?" her voice was soothing but it was doing nothing to calm my nerves. I don't want to tell her, I don't trust her.

 " No."

 " Why not?"

 " Because I don't fucking want to." I snapped, I know it's rude but I am barely keeping it together right now. 

 " Alright, can you tell me how often you have these nightmares, Mr. Levine was telling me about." I hated that she was writing all of this down. I'm about two seconds away from taking that stupid pen out of her hand and ramming it into her fucking eye. 

 " Usually once a night, sometimes more. Sometimes they're okay and sometimes I have a hard time knowing when I'm awake or if I'm still sleeping. Usually Grey snaps me out of it but sometimes we just have to wait it out." I was scratching at my arm, I just need to distract myself.

" How does he bring you out of it?" she continued writing in that stupid fucking notebook. 

 " Usually by talking to me, helping me realize my surroundings." she nodded.

 " Do you find that you get easily irritated? That sometimes the simplest things can make you angry?" she asked.

 " You have no idea." I muttered, " I have a little bit of a temper, I guess." I shrugged it off. 

 " I know you said you didn't want to but I'd really like you to talk about some of the things your ex did to you." I felt my anger rising. I don't know why but there's something about therapy that makes me mad. I didn't really want to be here today but it meant a lot to Grey. 

 Something about this lady just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's the condescending tone she can't seem to get rid of. Or her judgmental stare that never seems to falter. Or maybe it's just the facts that she's asking questions about shit I don't like talking about. But whatever it is is pissing me off and I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to keep my temper in check. 

 " I said no." my tone was firm.

 She scoffed, " I can't help you if you won't talk to me." 

 " I'm not ready to talk about it." I gritted out, scratching my arm harder than before, willing myself to calm down.

 " I understand but I need to know." she was talking to me like I was a five year old child. 

 " Lady, I told you, I don't.want.to.fucking.talk.about.it!" I shouted.

 " Sweetie, calm down." I know, this bitch didn't just call me sweetie. 

 " I'm gonna rip your fucking eyes out." I laughed before tackling her. 

 Oh man, I told him this was a bad idea. Something about therapy just makes me so fucking mad, not to mention this lady was kind of a bitch. 

 " GET OFF OF ME!" she screeched, I laughed and continued throwing punches.