Can't Help Falling in Love

52

"Mer..." he started, but she shook her head even though she knew he couldn't see her in the dark.

"We're talking," she said. "And I need to see you and not be terrified of a bear attack while we're talking."

She was rewarded with a slight chuckle. "There aren't any bears here," he said.

"Well...good," she nodded as she opened the door to the trailer and shoved him inside. She settled him onto the bed and placed herself on his lap, mirroring their position from the dark lakeside. "Why are you scared?" she whispered, moving her hands through his hair.

"I'm scared that I won't be able to be a good man," Derek whispered. "I always followed my dad's example, and now that he's gone, I'm scared that I won't be able to do this. I'm scared that I won't be able to be the man of the house the way he did. I'm scared that I'm going to change and you won't love me anymore."

"Oh, Derek," she whispered. "I will always love you. Always. Even when I hate you."

Derek tightened his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder. "I can't be the same man I was," he whispered. "This has changed me, Mer, and I don't know if it's possible for me to be a better man because of my dad's death."

"You have changed," Meredith whispered, rocking him slowly. "But whether it's a good or a bad change is up to you."

"I don't think I can change for the better because of my dad dying," Derek whispered. "I can't benefit from that."

"It's not you benefiting from it," Meredith insisted. "It's taking a really horrible situation and making the best of it. I know it's hard, but I'm not running. Ever."

"How?" Derek whispered. "How do I get through this?"

"Well," Meredith sighed. "The first thing you have to do is think about who your dad would want you to be."

"What?" Derek asked, looking up at her with wet eyes.

"Would your dad want you to do what you're doing?" Meredith asked. "Getting up, going to work and going through the mechanics of the day without really feeling anything before going home and drinking beer after beer while sitting at the lake? Or would he want you to be an honorable, responsible man who grieves and then moves on with his life, making sure to uphold all the beliefs and principles that he taught you?"

"He'd want me to move on," Derek whispered. "He'd want me to take care of the family, and he would want me to pursue my career and make sure that I could make you happy with me. And he'd want me to be a good father, to spoil my daughters and teach my sons how to fish and camp."

"See," Meredith sighed. "I think you just made your decision."

"I know that," Derek breathed. "That's who I want to be. But I don't know how to get there."

"I'll help," Meredith nodded, reaching for the nightstand. "And the first thing you're going to do is start studying for your intern exam."

Derek sighed as he reached for the textbook she was holding out. "Are you sure you love me?" he asked.

"Positive," she giggled slightly.

"Then why are you making me study?" Derek asked, a familiar sparkle moving back into his eyes.

"Because your test is four months away," Meredith said firmly. "And I'm a teacher."

Derek sighed dramatically as he set the book on the table and wrapped his arms tighter around her. "You know I haven't been paying much attention to work lately," he sighed.

"Oh really?" Meredith asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Mmmhmm," Derek nodded. "I think I need a refresher on the female anatomy."