How to Name Your Cat

How to be Happy

No one lives for regret.

Which is why we don't strive for it.

We live for love, life, and happiness.

That's why we strive for it.

The quality of our very existence depends on happiness. Not regret.

Magnus had never really regretted anything in his life.

Up until he kissed Alec.

"I shouldn't have done that," he said immediately, jumping away from the piano.

Alec's eyes dropped looking at the shining golden pedals of the piano.

"Don't say that," Alec said, quietly. A thousand different kinds of pain were layered in his voice.

Magnus' thoughts were incohesive. They formed a blurry mess in his mind. An tangled mess.

"Don't make me feel like your stupid little play thing," Alec said. "Because I'm not. I'm a human being with real freaking feelings. I'm not here to be played with—"

"Stop," Magnus said. "I'm thinking about you. Not me."

"What does that even mean?" Alec shouted.

"You have a life ahead of you," Magnus said. "I'm stagnant. I'm stuck. I'm destined to be in this one spot forever. You can go out and do great things—"

"I work at a coffee shop," Alec said. "I define the 'lack of a future.' But fine, you want to act like that never happened? It never happened then."

Alec stormed out of the apartment, looking for some place to clear his thoughts.

Magnus didn't know what to do next.

He found himself in his office an hour later, staring at numbers that suddenly had no meaning.

How could he preach about life when his life consisted of nothing?

Hypocrites were another one of the things Magnus couldn't stand. But he knew himself to be one.

Then he started to panic about Alec. Where had he gone?

He pulled out his phone.

Magnus: Where are you????

Alec: Wow. Four question marks. You must truly be concerned.

Magnus: ?????

Alec: Overkill. Lack of sincerity.

Magnus: I can't do four and a half question marks. Where are you?

Alec: Somewhere. Being pissed at you.

Magnus: Just come back.

Alec: Later.

Magnus: Promise?

Alec: Yes

But now there was nothing to do but wait.

........

Alec wasn't a lot of things but he wasn't one to hold grudges for long. By now, he couldn't even justify what he and Magnus had fought over.

He tried to sneak back into the apartment a little after two in the morning after crying alone in Jace's apartment. But the elevator doors were just loud enough to startle Magnus out of his sleep.

He was on one of the couches which was pushed up against the bare wall, to make room for the piano Alec had been so glad to see just hours ago.

"Alexander?" Magnus mumbled. The room was still coming into view.

"Go to bed," Alec said, as he descended the stairs. It was a command he knew would go unfollowed.

The blanket Magnus had been using had fallen to the floor.

"I'm very sorry," Magnus said.

Alec turned on a single light.

Something glittered on the floor, beside the blanket.

"You drank," Alec realized.

"I may have," Magnus said, looking down ashamedly at the clear, empty bottle. It was rather large.

"Not that entire thing," Alec pleaded. But he was pleading with the past.

"Only enough to feel something," Magnus said. "Sorry. Correction: nothing. I don't want to feel anything at all."

"Of course you do," Alec said. He sat beside Magnus.

"No," Magnus said. His head fell against Alec's shoulder. They stared out the massive window just beyond the dining table.

"I'm very sad," Magnus announced.

Alec didn't respond.

"Mostly because I realized my life has come to nothing. I am not happy. I'm a very sad person, Alexander. And I, like all my fellow human beans, just want to be happy."

"Did you just say human beans?"

"Yes. It was a joke," Magnus said.

"You didn't laugh," Alec said.

"Neither did you. Besides, a good comedian never laughs at his own jokes," Magnus said.

"You don't have to try and be funny," Alec said. "There's no need to put on a show."

"Do you think I'll ever be happy, Alexander?" Magnus asked.

"Everyone can be happy," Alec said.

"Are you happy?"

"Ask me again when you're sober," Alec said.

"I'll try and remember that," Magnus said.

"Good," Alec said. "Now go to sleep."

Magnus lay back on the couch and Alec draped the blanket over him.

The bottle still glinted in the light.

Alec kissed Magnus' forehead but Magnus was already asleep, his body and mind numb.

Alec stood there for a second, contemplating everything.

Then he picked up the bottle, clearing away the evidence that the night had ever happened.

And if they were both very lucky, it wouldn't be spoken of in the morning.

Alec flipped the light off and the room went dark again.