two stars of the same constellation

35

It's hard to take my eyes off him but I feel someone's stare burn the side of my face. Garry turns first but he doesn't step away but my mouth runs dry when I see Leo looking straight at us from the bar. I take a step back immediately and gather myself. I gesture for him to come over and after a definite pause, he does. His expression seems pained as if he's fighting his own thoughts. Does he want to leave?

I look back and forth between him and Garry, unsure of what to say. I had a lot of questions for my own self regarding the way I had just held Joseph and more importantly about how I didn't want to let go. I couldn't begin to imagine the questions Leo must've had after witnessing just that. Thankfully Garry takes the hint and puts me out of my misery. He kisses me lightly on the cheeks and hugs me goodbye, holding me no longer than he should. Before leaving he glances over his shoulder, "I wish we had more time." That sentence sends a shiver run down my spine. I had lived this moment before but with one difference. I was the one at the other end back then. A huge pang of pain and guilt hits me and I can feel teras pool into my eyes.

Leo walks overlooking concerned but my eyes are fixated over Garry who's walking away. The distance that increases between us feels more and more unbridgeable with each of his steps. It's only when Leo physically holds my face close to his that I register his presence. His green eyes held so many questions and mine, so many emotions.

"What did he mean when he said he wished he had more time? Is he leaving?" he asks finally. Unable to look him in the eye I turn to where I last saw Joseph but he's not there anymore. I look back straight into Leo's eyes give my head the smallest shake. No. He stands there in utter confusion for a second and his eyes too look for the ghost of Garry and then back at me when he finally realizes the situation. "Are you?" he stutters. "Are you leaving, Adira?"

"It happened two days after we interviewed you," I begin to explain. We had moved to a balcony away from the crowd. "Pam, Damon, and the other senior architects were really happy with the way my career arc had grown. The interview was the final feather in the cap that sealed the deal. I didn't even know I was being considered for the project, I mean it's a huge deal. But when the opportunity finally presented itself, I couldn't say no." I pause trying to read his reaction. "So Bali, huh? Wow, that's insane Addy. You are right this is big, really big. But it's another step towards taking control of your life and you are going to be great at it," he looks at me with what I hope is pride.

"Tell me I'm not crazy for leaving behind everything I've built in the past year. My work, clients, friends, my home everything is here. Everything had started to feel just right here and now I'm packing everything again," I feel all my doubts creep in once again. Till now I had so many other things going on in my life that I hadn't stopped to think even for a second about how hard it was for me to cope with the changes when I was new to the city. The long sleepless nights, the uncertainty of things, no friends for a long time and so many self-doubts. An abundance of second thoughts piled up in my head and I had no clue how to deal with it. It was only when Garry said goodbye did I realize how much I was leaving behind.

"Hey, Adira, look at me. you are brave. Even though you get those redundant doubts all the time. Yes, I know all about them, your eyes are transparent Addy," he looks at me reading me all over again. "You are going to be so good at this, the world is waiting for you with open arms. You and I, we are too small to deny what's in the stars."

I sigh then continue, "but it's two years, Leo. Two years. It's not a weekend getaway, it's a lifestyle shift. How can I leave everything behind? How can I leave everything behind once again?"

I can see by the way his eyes go dark that he didn't know I was going away for so long. "Two years, that's a lot," he hesitates, "Well what can I say. I guess I'm just going to have to wait that long to see you again. These six months were hard but I had to do it. If given a redo I know I would still grab on to the opportunity. It's your time to choose yourself Adira. You have to. Choose yourself. Pick you. You owe no one anything but you don't want to give up on yourself trust me. It's hard to live with failure but it's harder to live with missed opportunities."

The night lights go on at the party and I know it's time to go home. We walk back to the party with our fingers intertwine and my head rested on his shoulders. He wasn't as tall as Cole or even Garry but he was taller than me and my head fit the hollow space between his neck and the shoulder perfectly. He offers to drop me home but I know I need a moment to sort the many emotions entangled within me so I decline politely. If I was going to do this, I had to do it right.

I look sideways at Leo who isn't looking back and whisper to myself, "I'm so lucky to have you by me, today and every other day." I hug him harder than the last few times when our lives brought us to crossroads. It's ironic, I think to myself that no matter how happy or how breathtaking these moments were and how different our paths were, Leo and I always found each other at the starting and ends of our own journeys. I look at him and smile as he wipes my tears with his thumbs.

"I promised you I would find you," he says.