two stars of the same constellation

14

The next few days are hard to deal with and I spend most of my time at the office taking up extra work, helping colleagues and working overtime but it's harder when it's time for me to go home. To go home to nothing and no one. I hate myself when I feel this way as if my world only revolved around one person because that wasn't the truth. I had a lot going on in my life; I was excelling at the firm and my relationship with my coworkers and even my seniors were good.

But when I would return home, sometimes even on the most wholesome days, I would find my happiness disappearing into the darkness. All of the overthinking was eating me up inside I knew I could put an end to all of this if I just confronted Leo once. A lump forms in my throat at the thought of his name. He had tried to call me and texted several times but I still didn't feel strong enough to face him.

I was returning home from work one day when I met Ryan at the elevator. We didn't see much of each other these days and I was honestly happy to see his every smiling face after a tiring day. We talked as till reached our floor and as we stepped out of the elevator he asked if I wanted to get coffee sometime. I hesitated a bit but then thought to myself that some company would actually do me good. I look up at him but before I can say yes to the plan my eyes catch the glimpse of a familiar face behind him. When I don't respond for long Ryan's eyes follow my gaze and he's as surprised to see a famous musician standing in the hallway outside my door.

We walk towards Leo who looks a little disappointed at seeing the two of us together but happier to see me at least. Before he can say anything, I turn to Ryan and give him a look that says I can handle this, "It was really nice to meet you but I need a minute now." Before turning back to Leo, I quickly add, "Raincheck on the coffee date?" Ryan's smile reaches his eyes and we bid each other goodnight. It's time to finally address the elephant in the room. Or the celebrity standing at my doorstep I'd say.

So many words and questions had crossed my mind when I used to think of what I would say to him when I would finally meet him but now that he was here standing right in front of me, I stood like a broken puppet with no voice. I unlock the door and enter my home. He follows me inside. I turn on the light and lay my keys on the kitchen counter with my back at him, still hesitant to face him. He takes me by the elbow and I wince as I turn. Even though his touch is gentle it's the scars on my heart that burn. "Won't you even look at me?"

I still stay quiet.

"Adira?"

"You never picked my calls or answered my texts. I waited outside your building for you for so many days but you never came home. At least not while I was there. Were you staying somewhere else or were you coming home so late at night all this while? It's not that safe out there past a certain hour, you should be careful." My head shoots up in surprise when he tells me he has been coming here for a while now, "Yes I was working late nights, I needed a distraction you know" I look straight into his eyes. "And you're one to talk about my safety, you didn't care about the safety of my reputation, my feelings, or my privacy when you decided to tell your whole band about our conversation, did you?" I bark straight at him.

He takes a step back surprised at the harshness of my words. I too close my eyes not believing how bitter I just sounded. This is why I didn't want to talk to him. I was only one argument away from unleashing all the sour feelings I had kept to myself after that day. One moment I'm at a loss of words and the next I'm raining curses.

He comes closer and looks up to make sure I'm okay with it. We both stand in such close proximity that our breaths are now in sync. We stay like that for a while as our minds and bodies embrace the familiarity of each other's company again. "It's been a while, I missed you," he whispers in my right ear and I nod acknowledging the sincerity in his tone. My arms that were crossed tightly across my chest finally let loose and I drop them down, my body's way of indicating to him as well as to me that my mind was finally ready to listen to his side of the story.