Fallen

Always and Forever

He was all I could think of. Tears started rolling down my eyes as I read the message sent by Cole's mom at 1:00 am. Suddenly the world was revolving too fast. Nothing made sense. Absolutely nothing did. Life just became pointless. He added meaning to my life. And it was all gone in the blink of an eye. I broke into wild sobs and screams. My mom and dad came rushing into my room and when they saw me, their faces dropped. They knew what happened. They tried to console me but how could they? I had just lost a part of myself. I had just lost him FOREVER. Always and forever 

I was a mess. I couldn't stop crying. The world around me didn't stop revolving too fast. Life stopped making sense. Everything was a mess.
At sharp 8 Shirley arrived at my place. Judging by her dark circles and lifeless eyes I assumed she already knew what had happened. I got up from my bed and rushed to hug her. The warmth and coldness of her hug made us both break down again. 

"He didn't have to go," said Shirley with a breaking voice.

We went to the hospital for no reason because we weren't allowed to see him. Yet we longed to stand outside the room where he took his last breath. 

Cole's mom arrived. Her hair was scattered everywhere, her eyes were barely opening. She looked as if someone had sucked out her soul from her body. Before we could say anything she motioned us to stop.

"You don't have to say anything to me. Whatever someone says to me just makes it worse. And I know you to have it hard on you too so we can all sit quietly. Talking is unnecessary," said Cole's mom in a low voice. 

With a sniff, she said, "Nancy and Shirley he left something for you. A letter."

She handed us out our respective letters. I went to a corner of the room to read it. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see it through. Yet, I went ahead and did it. Because right now, I needed everything that carried his essence. The letter read:

"Hey, my lovely Fancy Nancy. I hope you're doing fine. If you're reading this then I'm probably dead. 
I'm sorry for being so insensitive, but I promise you that I'll have fun so don't you worry about me wherever I go. It's you that I worry about.
Let me tell you something about yourself, Nancy. You're the most beautiful person I've met and I am not saying this to flatter you; I mean it. And it's not just superficial beauty I'm talking about. It's your soul, your personality, your everything. Everything is beautiful. And everyone can see it except for you. You have lost faith in yourself. The black hole of "normality" is sucking you in. And I can't bear to see it. I can't bear to see someone so unique try to fit into the world. No, you don't need to, because your real personality is too precious to be lost. It kills me to see THE YOU being just a you. So, honey, you do you in the best possible way. And don't let anyone dim your light. I wish you could see yourself from my eyes because you'd be surprised to see how special you are. You have no idea how big of an effect your smile can have on someone. It can light up the darkest days. And also Nancy, the biggest favor you can do to me is being you regardless of who you are with. Remember, you don't have to change yourself because someone doesn't like you for you. There are 7 billion people on the planet. I'm sure someone will love you for you as much as I do. And you just wait for that person. You should understand that you don't lose people; people lose you. So, don't settle for less because you deserve the world. And also, don't play blame games with yourself. You aren't the reason I'm dead. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. Please, I beg of you. It was my stupid laces that made me fall in front of the car that day. You have nothing to do with it. You made my life better dumbo. You made my last year on Earth the most memorable one. You made me have fun and faith in life. And you taught me that I had a heart and a soul. You taught me I was capable of so much love. And so, I'll always thank you for turning my life around and making it into something so beautiful. And you should also know that I have no regrets in life. I don't regret saving you from that speeding car the other day. I don't. The only regret that I have is that I wasn't there with you long enough to make you realize your worth. So I hope this letter has got that covered. I'll be looking down from heaven at you so you better enjoy life. And one last favor, wherever you go, whoever you find, promise me that you'll keep me, my memories, and my words locked in a small diamond locker in your heart. Don't forget about me. But don't be miserable over me too. Find your other nincompoop but whenever this word is said, the tall boy with shabby hair in grade 7th should come to your mind. 
From your dearest 
Nincompoop 
I love you always and forever."

Once again, tears started rolling down my eyes. No, I don't care how many people live on Earth. NO ONE could ever be like him. No. And now he was gone because of me. I took him away from the world. He was the most beautiful human being and now he was gone. There was absolutely no way that I would forget him. He made me, me. He made me realize that I could be beautiful too. He made me realize that I was something unique when I didn't even understand the meaning of the word unique. And I would always thank him for that.