Fallen

And Here We Are......

And here we are..... In middle school. Middle school is a race. It's a race against our magnified emotions, the pressure to be the top in your studies, the pressure to have an aim in life, the pressure against peer pressure, against puberty against so damn many things. And the worst part is, no one stops you to tell you what's actually happening. No one helps you to make sense of anything. Everyone just assumes that you already know what you're doing. But the truth is, no one knows what they're doing in middle school. As I said, it's a race wherein no one knows why they're running. They just are. And if you stop, then you're done for. YOU CAN NEVER STOP IN THE RACE. You have to keep running. Otherwise, people are gonna push past you and you're gonna get left behind. And that's even worse. When you're running, at least you're running with your friends. Even if you can't make sense of things, you at least have the assurance that you're not alone. But once you stop, no one stops for you. They just keep running. So middle school is all about keeping up with others. 

Puberty. The worst yet the best thing that has happened to us. It strikes in middle school. For some, it strikes earlier making them look like a giant in front of those who haven't felt the essence of puberty. For me, it struck very early. Even earlier, I used to be taller than most of my classmates (still am) but now that I'd been touched by puberty, it made me look like ...... like something weird....like something that can't be described. And the mental changes; Oof they were tiring. I was the most careless and tomboyish girl one would ever meet back in primary school. I never even bothered to look in the mirror before leaving school. I would just trust whatever hairstyle my mom would make me. Certainly, I was very conscious of my fat, but I never even would've realized I was fat, had the bullies not pointed it out. I never cared about my face structure, nose, and superficial things like that. My appearance never bothered me much. Until middle school.......

Suddenly, I didn't trust the hairstyle my mother would make for me. I was always fussing about how frizzy my hair was and how bad my haircut was. Suddenly I was conscious of the shape of my nose, my chubby cheeks. I was as shocked as my mother. What in the world is happening with me?! And how in the world did I never notice these things before?! Suddenly, I started caring about how the world was gonna look at me. I started caring about what people, especially my peers thought of me. And the mood swings... They came and went so easily. Almost like they were never even here. Of course, when I experienced a mood swing, I didn't know it was a mood swing. But my family and friends most certainly did. And the shock came again. The same question again... What in the damn world is happening with me?!

So many questions.... So damn many questions. But no answers. All I received was an "It's normal for your age, don't worry." Normal? How is this normal? When I was never this kind of a person, then how was it normal? I need an actual answer other than this answer. But unfortunately and shockingly this was the only answer. And I was left baffled. Completely baffled. Yet again, I was expected to make sense of things again. And then when things couldn't get any worse, they did. Things just got way too worse. The thing that I hoped to avoid for the rest of my life, happened. The curse that I thought would never fell on me, fell. It happened. And don't ask me how but it did.......

And I was amused. Totally awestruck. I loved it. Absolutely loved it.