Future Mrs. Robertson

Fourteen

Emma

Right now all I am is numb. I don't know how to explain what's going on in my head but all I know is not even anger can describe how I feel. Indignation maybe.

I'm literally standing in front of a woman I love, The woman I married for 15 years and yet right now all that love seems non existent.

Me : How the fuck do you hide a child for 15 years Kate! You hid my first daughter from me, Is that why you made me cut ties with her?

Her : Babe I did this for us. We were right at the beginning of our relationship. I didn't know if you'd accept her.

Me : That's the fucken problem Kate! You don't get to make choices on my behalf. You ask! If you not sure about something YOU ASK! Not make choices for people.

Her : Please stop shouting. The kids are down stairs. You need to understand why I did it. You were a student for fuck sake Emma! I wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt of knowing I was the reason you quit school.

Me : Wtf! So you can live with the guilt of giving your child away. If you could hide an entire person for 15 fucken years, I wonder what else you hiding.

Kate's phone dings indicating a massage coming through. She looked at it then at me. Her puffy red eyes not even moving me a bit. She looked defeated.

Her : Sindi can't find Alex. She says she looked everywhere.

Me : Why would Alex just disappear? Oh shit! Don't tell me she knows.

Her : John and Sindi had a fight so he came in and told Alex everything.

Me : So you only telling me the truth because the mess is already done? Actually don't answer that. I'm out of here.
I say grabbing my keys heading out of our bedroom.

Her : Wait! Where are you going?

Me : To find my daughter. The one I had no idea about.

Her : I'm coming with.

Me : The hell you are.

Her : Emma she's my daughter too!

Me : Oh now she is? I scoff. We can't leave the kids alone Kate. I may have an idea where Alex is.
I wasted no time. In a second I was already driving to my destination.

Me : Please be there baby. Please be there I'll be there soon
These are the words that kept on repeating in my head.

Alex

Alone...

I'm alone...

I'm alone yet again...

I pull my sleeve up as my right hand instantly makes a trace on my scar. I have a few on my back as well but no one knows about them. Now that I think about them, it only makes sense I deserved them and everything that happened. I do not wish to dwel much on that.

My life hasn't been one I would wish for anyone and the fact that it has gotten worse I don't think I have the strength to hold on anymore. I feel unwanted. I've always been unwanted but now knowing my entire existence was just one big unwanted mess. I've been beaten, abused, and bullied but non of those hurt like this one.

Alex? Emma calls behind me.

Me : What are you doing here?
I say not turning to face her.

Her : I'm keeping my promise.

When I was younger, probably 10 years old, Emma would take me out for an ice cream and a walk. One day on our walk we stumbled across this road which leads to nowhere. It's surrounded by trees but if you go deep down on it there's a river. It's just one magical place to be. Even the flowers are colorful and beautiful. This place quickly became our spot. Emma and I would always sneak here. Especially when the family held gathings I wasn't allowed too. She would always make an excuse that she needed somethings at the store or she forgot something in her house then she would fetch me at the house and bring me here.

She would bring a lot of snacks and sandwiches. She would lay a blanket and we would pretend we were having a picnic. She would always tell me...
"Whenever you feel alone or bothered just come here. I promise I'll always find you and hold you tight. This right here is our spot, no one else's. I want you to be yourself. No one matters but you here."

That was true. It became our spot. She never bought anyone not even her kids. As time went by I thought she would someday bring her kids but it never happened. She made this our secret spot and I appreciated it. Somehow I had something no else had and that meant a lot to me.

Emma used this place as redemption of some sort. This is the place Emma taught me that being different was okay. She taught me that having mismatched genitals was okay and so is having two different eye colours. She taught me a lot about my body even the embarrassing ones. The morning wood, wet dreams and the sex talk.

Emma : Tell me what you need Alex?

Whenever I had a bad day and snuck out here. The first thing she would is that.

Me : Did you know?

Emma : I was also kept in the dark Alex. Do you think I would let this happen if I knew?

Me : Then what are you doing here? What do you want?

Emma : My daughter. Alex I need my daughter just as she needs her father.

Me : I am not your daughter Emma. You have no right over me. Go back to your wife and children. I do not need you here. I want nothing to do with any of you.

Emma : I want everything to do with you Alex. You are mine. I'm sorry about all that has happened but you can't fault me for being kept in the dark.

Emma

Alex finally turned to face me. What I saw broke my heart even further.
Tears weren't even falling on her face.
They just built up in her eyes. Her body was rigid...as if it couldn't process everything that was happening.
My daughter was crumbling down right before my eyes. I did the only sensible thing I could think of.

I walked towards my daughter and held her tight in my arms.
The act must have broken down her walls because she let out a very unpleasant, painful and loud sob. I let her take out everything she was feeling.

Me : Let's go home baby.
I say in a whisper.

Her : But where is home? What is home? Home hurt me, Home left me.

Me : Home is me. Home is with me Lexi. I am your home and I promise you the best home ever okay.

She nods while in my arm.