8:00am
I hear the alarm ring
I'm already awoken to paralyzing thoughts
It'll keep happening, they say,
over and over again till you learn the lesson
Sometimes I sit alone in my room as thoughts run through my head
Scenarios from the past playing in my head over and over again
Living in constant fear of it repeating itself
I feel my heart beating faster
I start to zone out
Because I fear these things happening again
The last time it happened
I froze and couldn't respond
The last time it happened I shut down
Sometimes when I think of the past I can still feel the emotions I had in that time
Like it's happening to me right now
It's paralyzing
And it's frightening
I snap my self back to reality
I Try to remind myself that it's all in my head
And maybe the past won't repeat itself
People are older now
More mature
I attempt to calm myself down
But it doesn't work
Now, I constantly fear people who remind me of them
Any change in tone or expression is noticed and evaluated
Hyper vigilance is a blessing and a curse
I don't talk
I won't bring it up
Now, I even imagine worse things happening
And unexpected conflict arising
I then feel the emotions I would feel in said situation
I need help
When I meet people with similar traits
My anxiety spikes
I have to to stay away from them
I can't let situations repeat itself
But I'd much rather listen to my intuition than my experiences
I think of times in the past where I didn't listen
I think of what it cost me
I'm working on myself
I know things won't change until I change
I know I'll meet the same people
Who'll teach me the same lessons
Until I learn that I can't stay this way
I don't want to stay this way
Sometimes I feel helpless
Surrounded by people but I still feel lonely
I ask myself if it's all in my head
8:35
I finally get out of bed
YOU ARE READING
Lost Poems
PoetryA collection of some of the poems I have written over the years (2019-Present). My name on Instagram is @fxoxapoems. Please follow me on there if you'd like❤️
