Lost Poems

Recovering People Pleaser Part 2: Don't be who they want you to be

God, I need to let it out so you can heal me
Because I can't dwell on this any longer
I used to think maybe if I were smarter
I used to think maybe if I were skinnier
I used to think maybe if I weren't so different
Maybe if I were more interesting
Then maybe they would have accepted me
Years later still seeking approval
Thinking I have to be everything else but myself to be loved
So I refrain from letting myself be loved
I reject the situations where I could feel loved
But I don't want to be someone else
So I'm thinking it's stopping me from feeling loved
That's not true
I know it's all in my head
I know I'm getting way ahead
Way ahead of myself
I need to calm myself
Always feeling like no one would want me
That even if they do, they'll soon see how worthless I am
And find out they don't want me
Because who wants to be loved by a person who doesn't love themselves?
Who will believe me when I say "I love you too" ?

I know I'm thinking too deeply
I know I need to breathe
I remember there was a time
When I wanted to end me
Not literally
More metaphorically
More like I wanted to end the parts of me
That I thought made me
weak, sensitive, a pushover
I don't mean to sound this way
I don't want to scare you away
But these are the dark, morbid thoughts
That I've constantly fought
The dark, morbid thoughts
That cross my head at night
I spend too much time alone
Alone with my thoughts
Just spiraling alone
Going to dark places
While I'm alone
Thinking I don't have a place here
Filled with so much fear
Maybe they've rejected me because I already rejected myself?
Maybe they don't like me because they see that I don't like myself?
Maybe it's all in my head?

It all makes sense now
No one likes a people pleaser
Ironic, I know
But That's something we peacemakers
NEED to know
People sense when you want to say no
But instead say yes
Betraying yourself just to get a yes
Don't be so obsessed with peace
That you loose yourself in the process
Don't be so obsessed with peace
That you leave yourself in pieces
Learn from me...

Don't be so obsessed with making them happy
That you're no longer happy
Be yourself
Stand your ground
Speak your truth
The right people will come
The right people will stay
Everyone else
Needs to walk away
Because you don't have the time to tolerate
People who just want to debate
About Who you should be and how you should be it
About what you should do and how you should do it
Silence... Silence all their voices
There's no time to be who everyone's else wants you to be
Life is too short
to be who they want you to be 

Sunday, August 8th, 2021. 3:16 PM