HIS OBSESSION

Part 20

AN: I've been once again overwhelmed with support from readers and it's wonderful, thank you so much xx

Warnings: talk of violence, medical treatment, cpr, torture, death, blood, angst

20

Steve

Even his voice is dead as he walks past me taking a side arm out of a holster at his thigh, he checks it a clicks the safety off. I hear Nat speak and Bucky's dull, matter of fact answer. "She's dead."

Nat charges into the room muttering in Russian falling to Megan's side. She screams at Sam to bring something from the trunk of the car as she tips Megan's head back slightly. Then Sam is there, I can hear them speak, but I don't comprehend the words, it like its broken, like time is broken somehow.

"Steve... Steve man help me clear her... fuck sake ... STEVE!"

I Jump when he shouts at me, jolting in my seat, but it's only an echo now. An unsteady plastic hospital chair under me. I look around at the room like I'm seeing it for the first time... because I am I think.

It's a perfect square, chairs lining the outer soft beige walls, generic landscapes in soft muted tones decorate the area and small tables filled with mindless magazines scattered over them. I don't know how I got here.

I look down at my legs, there is blood spread over my thighs, the knees of my jeans, its dried mostly. Then I turn my hands over, they shakes as I take in the blood on them, its crusted into the creases of my skin, the edges around my fingernails, under my fingernails. Its not my blood. It's Megan's.

Getting up and bolting out into the foyer and straight into Sam and Tony. "No, no... let them do their Jobs." They hold me back. Past them I can see through a clear door of an emergency room. Nat stands at that door, her back to us, tense.

At least six people rush around a small figure on the bed. Their white plastic aprons splattered haphazardly with her blood. A slight woman with glasses and a stethoscope round her neck is behind Megan's head inserting a tube or something into her mouth, it doesn't go in and I watch her shake her head in frustration, a curse falling from her lips and she try's again. A tall man to the side starts to do chest compressions, barking orders to those rushing too and fro around them. Another nurse squeezes fluids through an IV line.

I can't watch and tear my eyes away, facing the ceiling and letting out a strangled whimper. My memories of the last hour come back to me in sporadic bursts. Finding Megan's body. Bucky walking away and literally scaring the shit out of me. Sam and Nat working on Megan after Nat found a pulse. My huge hands gripping the wound at her neck as Sam tried to clear the blood out of her airway. The EMT's getting there and taking over. Following the ambulance here. It had to stop twice on the way here so they could re-start her heart. And Sam forcing me into a chair, telling me to stay and to 'sit the hell down before you fall over.'

I feel Tony's arm around my waist and I let him guide me back into the beige square room. I go to sit on a blue chair, but my knees give out and I end up on the floor.

"Where's Bucky?" My voice is strained and I feel like I want to vomit.

"Redwing and JARVIS are runny searches, we'll find him, I'm sure he's okay Cap."

"I need him here Tony." Bile rises in my throat.

"I know. We're trying to find him before he does something stupid." His voice his low and I hear him sigh. He knows Bucky is most likely lost to his own mind, I'm surprised I'm not. Guilt, pain, loss...it all washes over me.

I stand and push past Tony. "I need some air."

Bucky.

The warehouse is cold, I'm cold, numb. Cold I can deal with. Cold is me, it's who I am.