My Reason To Live

11

Warnings:
-Mentions self harm

Clay's POV

I didn't go to sleep, but couldn't game much either after I hit my hand really hard against the wall. The next morning I looked at my hand and it was really swollen, bruised and stiff. I couldn't move it at all and the pain was still really bad.

I didn't care about the pain, but just wanted it to be over now so I could game again. Luckily it was the hand I used for my keyboard so I could still play with some pain.

I ended up being bored, drank energy and still started a bedwars game. I didn't play alone this time, since I wouldn't be able to win alone with this pain.

My game got interrupted by my dad walking into my room and he looked at me. 'I figure it's feeling better?'

'No, dumbass. It's not feeling better at all. I'm gaming because I want to and don't care about the pain.'

'Let me see your hand,' my dad said as I slowly lifted it. 'Can you move it?'

'With a lot of pain, yes.'

'Fine, I'm taking you to the hospital,' he said with a sigh.

'Why are you sighing, you shouldn't complain. You just have to drive me there, don't cry about it.'

'I'm really tired, Clay.'

'You're such a pussy. I never sleep and I also don't cry about being tired.'

'But we do feel things, it's mentally exhausting to see this happening.'

'Go die then.'

I drank my energy again and my dad didn't answer me. He had tears filling his eyes and walked to the door. 'I'm getting an apple for breakfast.'

'Why are you going to eat, I want to go to the hospital.'

'I'm very hungry,' my dad muttered.

I rolled my eyes and walked downstairs, going outside to his car. I sat down and my dad stepped in a minute later, driving to the hospital in silence.

Once I arrived at the hospital, a nurse immediately took care of me. She told me to take an X-ray of my hand and I got taken to a room where I had to lay my hand down on a table with lights around me.

I waited impatiently for the X-ray to be over and went back to the waiting room, getting called about an hour later. I had constantly been sighing at my dad since it was taking so terribly long and finally I could come.

'Clay, you've broken your hand which means you will need a cast. It's not too severe so you should be able to take the cast off after two to four weeks.'

'I don't care, just give me the cast so I can go back to gaming.'

No one talked during the nurse giving me a cast and I went home, sitting behind my PC. I just started playing some double bedwars games again as I noticed the person I was playing with wasn't bad at the game.

Since I wanted to win games and not play with stupid noobs who didn't even know how to click to fight, I ended up partying the person with the name GeorgeNotFound.

Dream
Hi, I kinda broke my hand so need someone who doesn't suck to play with

GeorgeNotFound
I'm not amazing, but sure :)

Dream
Ok, you better win us the games cuz I'm immediately unfriending you again. Do you wanna call?

GeorgeNotFound
Sure, I will be a bit quiet though

Dream
Why

GeorgeNotFound
Nothing important

Dream
Don't bring it up then

GeorgeNotFound
I'm sorry

He gave me his Discord after we played a few rounds without calling and I called him on there. He accepted the call and I heard him sniff softly before talking.

'Hi,' he whispered with a voice crack.

I didn't know what was going on with me, but for some reason I wanted to know if he was okay.

'Are you alright?'

'Y-yeah, can we just focus on the game, please.'

'Fine.'

We continued playing the game and I was mostly focusing on the bed today since I wasn't that fast with walking.

'How did you break your hand?'

'I hit a wall to feel pain.'

It was quiet for a little and he cleared his throat. 'Uh- are you okay?'

'Am I okay? No, I'm not, but I am too. I don't feel anything so I hurt myself to feel something.'

'You hurt yourself?'

'Yeah, I think that's what I said, isn't it, stupid idiot.'

'I'm sorry. Are you in therapy?'

'No, I like cutting myself so I feel something. I don't need therapy. Anyway, just shut up about it and continue the game.'

'Okay,' the boy muttered with a soft and insecure voice.

'Did something happen to you?' I asked as I heard him sniff another time.

'I'd rather forget. What's your name?'

'Clay, but you can call me either Clay or Dream. Is yours George?'

'Yeah, it is,' George answered.

'Okay,' I muttered. I kind of wanted to be mean to him, but I just simply couldn't. He was sweet and sounded sad, I couldn't be a dick to him.

'How old are you?' George whispered. 'Please be honest.'

'I'm seventeen,' I replied.

'Are you actually seventeen?' his soft and insecure voice sounded through the call.

'Yeah. You?'

'I'm sixteen,' he said as he let out a soft sigh.

'Not going to lie, but I don't think I sound like an old creepy man, do I?' I asked with a tiny smile on my face.

'No, but you never know these days,' George muttered. 'Anyway, I'm sorry. We can continue gaming.'

I agreed and we continued playing for literally hours. I didn't feel much, but I was a bit confused about my interest in him. I didn't want to be mean to him and I was kind of interested in his life as well, causing me to ask him some questions every now and then.

I didn't feel happiness, but I did smile sometimes. Would the emptiness within me then finally get filled one day? I was just only wishing for that, although I didn't expect the answer to be positive.

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