Tell Me What You Hate About Me

41: Facing the Music

Dr. Reed didn't live far from campus, but it would have been stupid of me not to take the time we had on our way back to talk to Dominic about what the hell was going on in his mind. I barely knew what was going on in mine except that I wouldn't be able to handle hurting him again. I obviously cared too much.

I had spent nearly twenty years learning and perfecting the art of not caring about school and people to keep myself from getting hurt. And the one time I made the impulse decision to try to get to know someone instead of buying something shiny and new, I ended up feeling like an idiot.

What a scam.

"So you remember everything that happened before and while your memory was gone?" I asked.

He nodded from the car seat beside me, but he didn't say anything.

"And that's it? You're just gonna ignore it?" I asked.

This time, he didn't nod. He just ignored me.

"What's your problem? I made a mistake, I fixed it, and I just want to get back right to where we were before this whole mess. I tried to be nice, I tried to apologize, and now I'm beginning to think that I just wasted my time."

"You're very good at that," he said.

I took in a breath. "I don't know why you're trying to do what I do every damn day. You pretend you don't care because then failure doesn't sting nearly as bad."

"So now you're an expert on me and my inner psychology. What'd you ask the talisman for to get a punishment that shitty?"

I shook my head. "I didn't ask for anything. When you don't want to trust people, you get good at finding reasons not to."

"I'm sorry, okay?" he blurted, and before I had the chance to respond, he continued. "I'm sorry that I'm not used to this. People don't usually like me, and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do."

I couldn't imagine why that would be. He certainly came across as the friendliest person alive. "People don't usually like me either, so I'm just as lost as you are."

As we pulled into a parking spot back on campus by my dorm building, neither one of us said anything for a moment.

On the first day of ASL this semester, I accidentally insulted him, and he was so mean in retaliation that I just didn't go to class for a few weeks after that because not caring was easier. Not much had changed from those days, but I thought they did. Maybe this was all my fault for making shit up in my head.

I thought we were getting somewhere before I erased his memory. He told me it was a miracle I turned out as okay as I did when he met my mother, he told me he saw that I was trying, he kissed me and the entire sky cleared up and the birds chirped and everything felt right for a moment.

Maybe I skipped the day they taught reading situations in school.

"We should probably let Jack and Sierra know that everything's going to be—" I began as I unbuckled my seat belt and turned off the car, but Dominic spoke over me.

"Maybe all we're ever going to have is this talisman and ourselves."

I hesitated. "What?"

"Think about it. The only two things we have in common are that we're both assholes, and we both are somehow connected to the talisman. That's it, really," he said.

"And we both pretend that we don't care about things because life's easier that way, or did you not hear any of the conversation we just had?"

He shook his head. "I'm trying to make a point here. All I'm saying is that what if that's all there is to it, and we're too stupid to see that there's really nothing here at all?"