SEASICK

69- Gentle and Beautiful Truth

"Your petty test, do you see what it has caused?" Kazumi's voice darkened.

Alana readied her lips to counter him, but her words ran dry when the lantern fully illuminated Ivo, a gasp tore from her lungs and her legs almost buckled.

Blood covered Ivo's slender features, his widened eyes bloodshot and staring at nothing in particular, one pupil a brighter green than his other His blouse was tattered more than when she last saw him, with bloodied holes and slashes across his entire mid-section. His usually light brown hair was now dark and clumping together, matted by deep crimson. It appeared he had been tortured, brutalized beyond recognition in only a short time. He rocked back and forth, continuously muttering and holding himself in his arms, digging his nails into his biceps.

Alana ripped her eyes from the sight and pinned them on Kazumi accusingly.

"What have you done to him?!" She snapped, hot tears springing to her eyes.

Kazumi flickered his eyes down to her, seemingly unfazed by her outburst.

"He did this to himself," Kazumi replied as he hung the lantern on a rusty hook by the cell. "He has been trying to commit suicide... but his demon won't allow it."

Alana's mouth gaped open, her jaw trembling as the tears rolled down her mortified features.

No... no. What have I done?

She looked back to the whispering man in his own world, oblivious to the presence of the other two. Not even a slight shifting of his eyes or a pause in the murmurs, it was as of he was somewhere else inside his mind.

"Alana," Kazumi commanded her attention back to him. "I will be honest with you as you have been with me."

A guilty twitch coiled in her already sickened stomach.

"I love you."

Her brows pulled in wildly, thrown off by the confession in a moment like the one they were in.

"Though I don't like admitting it, I know the others do as well. I see the way they look at you." His golden eyes panned over her trembling body and wet features.

"And as much as I am sure you would like to believe, seeing as how you wanted to put it to the test, I am not a kind man. I am evil, I am cruelty, I am death."

He turned to fully her now, approaching her so quickly Alana instinctively took a step back. However, Kazumi captured her arms in his powerful hands, firmly pulling her into him, another small gasp fled her lips.

"With all that I am, they are what I control, I am the captain of men who are not kind. We are not gentlemen; we are not a fairytale you might dream us to be. It is true, we have given the capacity of the kindness we have left to you these past few months, and perhaps that was a mistake. Perhaps you needed to see we are not the benevolent sort. That is not our nature."

The feeling of his fingers squeezing around her biceps frightened her, her eyes wide and mind jumbled. It—It can't be true.... What is he saying? They are the kindest men I have ever met. I have smiled with them for so long. So, what is he saying? What is he talking about? Why am I so scared?

"Look," Kazumi jerked his head into the direction of the still oblivious and lost Ivo. "It is no one's fault but his own that Ivo went over the edge, however, what pushed him? A test? A test?" Kazumi was speaking with so much emotion for the first time that it was almost more frightening than Ivo's ghost.

"I—I don't—" Alana stuttered, her chest heaving.

Kazumi could see he was only frightening the girl more, and he loosened his grip a bit, his features softening.

"We aren't kind..." He repeated softly once more. "This love I feel... it isn't sweet, or compassionate. This love would burn a kingdom down for you, it would kill thousands to make sure you were safe, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but my love is sick, and it is wicked, but above everything, it is only for you. We would spill blood for your happiness, so please..." Kazumi moved one hand to her cheek to wipe away hot tears. "Never upset us like that again, we could not bear to lose you, Alana."

Alana was shocked, panting in fright muddled with confusion, and her heart ached once more. It ached with the pity of how Kazumi viewed his feelings and it ached that she had caused so much strife with a simple request. Most of all, it ached with the sweet and innocent pain of love. Even in a time like this, staring into those brilliant golden eyes she couldn't ignore the feeling that dragged her heart down into her stomach.

He says it is a wicked feeling that he has for me... that he would kill for me... I never thought of Kazumi as someone like that... but that doesn't change my heart. What is wrong with me? Why am I so selfish? To love so many and want to be loved by them in any way that I can be?

Alana lowered her head, casting her eyes down to Kazumi's boots. The emotions that befell her filled her chest and stomach with the most horrific guilt. Her honey brown eyes slowly shifted to the cell where Ivo stayed, making her heart only squeeze more. Everything leading to this moment was like haze to her, a dream turned nightmare. One day she was enjoying easygoing days with the pirates and today she stands in front of a bloodied Ivo with a bruising handprint around her throat. Her life before the ship was so much simpler, a routine she lived by for nineteen years, and she was naive enough to think that was as hard as life gets. Now, it feels as if everything is falling apart, everything that once made her smile is unwinding into a mess at her feet. A mess she caused.

All I ever wanted was to be free... how did it come to this?

In an instant, she looked back up to the captain, sparkling tears in her eyes and a quivering full bottom lip.

"I- I am sorry, Kazumi, for everything. I acted foolishly." She tried her best to keep her composure as her meek strained voice was barely audible, fighting for every syllable. "I love you all so much it hurts me. If I could, I would stay on this ship forever living life with you all."

"You can," Kazumi quickly interjected, moving one hand up to caress her cheek.

"You don't understand..." If you did you would have already killed me.

"What? What does that mean?" Kazumi puzzled, his hand moving back into her dark tresses.

Alana moved away from his caress, and towards the cell that held Ivo, who continued muttering to himself. Kazumi did not attempt to stop her, fearing he had overwhelmed the girl enough, however prepared himself for a possible reaction.

"One day..." Alana spoke softly. "You will understand," Alana peered over her shoulder to the baffled pirate captain. "When that day comes, that will be the true test."

Kazumi was speechless, brows creased as he watched the girl kneel in front of rusty bars, swept away by the mystery that is her. As mysterious as the day she came aboard, still just as oblivious to how truly mystifying she was, and just as enchanting to him. The way this girl was rarely ever seen without a smile, how much peace she brought the suffering demon crew, the way her eyes could melt his heart, Kazumi could not understand her. He could not understand how trapped he was in her being. All he knew was at this moment she was his, and he would do anything to keep that simple fact just how it is.

Whatever this 'true test' is, I do not care, there is absolutely nothing that would tear me away from the gentle and beautiful truth that is you.

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